Tomorrow, I start a 2 week job subbing for 4th grade. I'm excited, but a little nervous at the same time. It's been a while since I've been in a classroom consistently and I don't want to fail. I know I'm a good teacher, but I...no...I'm not even going to entertain those thoughts. God has given me an amazing opportunity and I'm going to do my best and succeed! Thank you, God, for giving me the strength and authority to rebuke those thoughts.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Day Thirty-Four...Nearly Finished!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
TRICK OR TREAT.........
A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?"
"We're Jack and Jill" the girl replied.
The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"
They go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the door bell and once again the man opens the door. "Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?"
We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy. "Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!" says the man. Heads hung low, the kids leave.
Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children, but this time they are BUCK NAKED.
"Oh my!! And just who are you supposed to be now?" he asks."
Chocolate M & M's, said the little girl. I'm plain. He's got nuts."
Day Thirty-Three...Subbing Again!
I also love this job because I get to see how other teachers teach. I definitely have my own way, but utls good to observe other classrooms...something I didn't get to do in Idaho. Specifically, there is a book/cd I want to get called A Writer's Notebook by Ralph Fletcher. It has excerpts on how to use a notebook to capture conversation and situations that happen that may be the "invitation into the piece". What a great idea!
One thing I'm struggling with is making sure I can hear what's going on. If more than 1 person is talking (which ALWAYS happens in a classroom), I find myself really struggling to understand students, even if they are close enough to me. I know my hearing is getting worse, but I wonder if it will get to the point where all I can teach is Deaf Ed. Not that it would be a BAD thing, but it may limit what jobs I can take. We'll see what happens...
Monday, October 29, 2007
Day Thirty-two, Part Two
Also, I have a sub job tomorrow that I just found out is a 2-day job. Then, I start a 2-week assignment on Thursday. Pretty cool! So, I'm set through November 16. Then I have a few jobs between then and the end of the year, but things are looking good!
Day Thirty-Two...A VERY Bad Dream
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Day Thirty-One...Getting to Know You
So, right now, my dog has her nose in the couch, looking at Moob out of the side of her head, trying to find her ball in the couch. Here's the funny thing...there ISN'T a ball in there. What a dork!
Off to clean the parents' house!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Day Thirty...A New Perspective
I’ll dump her in a field of thistles, then lose her in a dead-end alley. She’ll go on the hunt for her lovers but not bring down a single one. She’ll look high and low but won’t find one."
This is EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN FEELING LIKE! It’s like God is playing games with me...bumping me into these walls, taking me down dead-end alleys. Argh! It’s been so frustrating.
But God goes on to say,
Then she’ll say, "I’m going back to my husband, the one I started out with. That was a better life by far than this one."
She didn’t know that it was I all along who wined and dined and adorned her. That I was the one who dressed her up in the big-city fashions and jewelry that she wasted on wild Baal-orgies.
He goes on to chasten the woman on her behavior, putting faith in all the "look what I did" and the things she’s had her hand in making.
But even after the chastening, God is gracious and merciful.
"And now, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ll give her a bouquet of roses. I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She’ll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
"At that time" - this is God’s message still - "you’ll address me, ‘Dear Husband!’ Never again will you address me, ‘My slave-master!’ I’ll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again.
At the same time, I’ll make a peace treaty between you and wild animals and birds and reptiles, and get rid of all weapons of war. Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies! And then I’ll marry you for good --forever! I’ll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness. Yes, I’ll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go. You'll know me, God, for who I really am."
I can’t believe how God is answering my cry for help. I’ve been so frustrated, just like the woman at the beginning of this passage, bumping into walls, trying to get to where I want to go...but all along, God has been putting up those road blocks, those barriers, so it would drive me back home to my husband...where I belong...so I can truly know Him. Thank you God for showing this to me.
Thanks for using Becca to point me towards this passage. I love you more today than I did yesterday. I can’t wait to get to know you more!
~ JW
I am God's favorite!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Day Twenty-Nine...Back from Retreat
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Day Twenty-Eight...Captivating
So, what about a woman's heart? Well, women today have been taught to hide their femininity...to feel ashamed that they want to be rescued...needed...loved...cared for...part of the adventure and great romance for which they were intended (thank you Gloria Steinem!). God, when he created the world, the universe, the animals and, lastly, man, the world was perfect. Adam walked with God, talked with God, lived in a perfect garden. But...God said...something's missing...it's not good for man to be alone. So, he created woman. If you look back through the creation story, you see that each time God created something, it was more intricate and more splended than the thing before. Light and dark...water and land...animal and man...and finally, woman. Woman is the crown of creation. We were not an afterthought! God didn't say, "Wow...I really forgot something...hmmm...let's see...well, I could...no....how about...hmmm...I have no idea what to do...let me make a girl and see what happens." He purposefully created woman as the crown...the cherry on the ice cream sundae. A sundae isn't a sundae without a cherry. Man isn't man without woman. And, inversely, woman isn't woman without man. We were created for each other.
Now, I'm not saying that woman is incapable of caring for her self and "needs a man to be whole". In fact, I'm saying the opposite. Women are quite capable of caring for themselves, their families, their church and anything else life throws at them...just look at Moob! She's amazing! She's been through so much...all without the support of a man. In fact, some of the things she's been through have been CAUSED by men. Yet, she is still the most amazing woman I know because she hasn't let what's happened to her define her. But, what I am saying is that women today have been made to feel guilty for longing for male companionship, for relationships, for intimacy, for being protected, for being fought for, for being courted and wooed...something for which we were CREATED! It would be like (and pardon the crude comparison) my dog, who LOVES to run because she's a herding dog, being yelled at and made to feel shame for wanting to run and play ball. Women were created, not as the weaker sex, but as the Image Bearer of the intimate God...the relational heart of God...the desire God has for us to pursue Him.
So, what does this have to do with me? Well, for YEARS, I've strugged with being the Image Bearer of God. I've felt unworthy...unloved...unaccepted...waiting for the other shoe to drop on my relationships...my dreams. And, I've felt very much like Eve...God must be holding out on me. He has promised me X, Y, and Z, but I'm still not seeing ANY of those come to fruition. Many a night, I have laid in bed and cried myself to sleep because I'm so lonely and none of my dreams and aspirations have come to pass. But, this book is teaching me that I've done that to myself. Because we live in a fallen world, I have the bent toward doubting God's intentions with me. Even as a Christian, knowing His Word, having experienced some of his miracles, I still doubt He REALLY cares about me. I've taken it upon myself to try and "make things happen" instead of letting Him bring those things He's promised to me. I've gotten in God's way. Is that all my fault? No. The enemy has a special hatred for me...as a woman...and he's also getting in God's way. Lucifer was a beautiful angel. His pride got him in trouble and cast out of heaven. Since woman is the crown-jewel of creation, God's most prized creation...the most beautiful...and the Image-Bearer of the Beauty of God, since her creation, there has been a special hatred in the enemy for woman. And we, in today's society, have succumed to believing the lies the enemy has planted in our minds since the beginning of creation (thank you, again, Gloria Steinem). God has been teaching me that if I trust Him whole-heartedly, His plans and promises will come to fruition. I am reminded of a song by The Kry called Take My Hand.
I know there are times
Your dreams turn to dust
You wonder as you cry
Why it has to hurt so much
Give me all your sadness
Someday you will know the reason why
With a childlike heart
Simply put your hope in me
Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say “why were the old days better?”
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk...
Don’t live in the past
'Cuz yesterday is gone
Wishing memories would last
You’re afraid to carry on
But you don't know what's comin', no
But you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide, take you through night
If you keep your eyes on me
Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say “why were the old days better?”
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk where I lead
You will never be alone
Faith is to be sure of what you hope for
And the evidence of things unseen
Take my hand and walk
Just like a child holding daddy's hand
Don’t let go of mine, you know you can stand on your own
Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say “why were the old days better?”
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk where I lead
You will never be alone
Faith is to be sure of what you hope for
And the evidence of things not seen
Take my hand and walk
Take my hand and walk
Take my hand and walk
What an amazing picture of God's plan for us...wow! Now, I've only finished chapter 6 of 12, so, I'm sure there's more tidbits of amazing-ness to come!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Day Twenty-Seven...A New Twist on an Old Story
~ older version ~
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house & laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool & laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm & well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
Moral of the story: Be responsible for yourself!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ newer version ~
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house & laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool & laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference & demands to know why the ant should be warm & well fed while others are cold & starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN & ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper & everybody cries when they sing, "it’s not easy being green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, & both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs & having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant & the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident & the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
Moral of the story: Be careful how you vote.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Day Twenty-Six...Another Day of Work!
I have a job for next Tuesday and Friday. It'll be fun!
I also have a test this Saturday. It's my comprehensive final exam for grad school. It will be a 50 question test, plus 2 essay questions. I'm allowed 4 hours: 2 hours for the questions and 1 hour each for the essays. I think the one I'll have the most trouble with is the audiology question. I only took 1 class and it was the most technical of all my classes, dealing with the mechanics of the ear, hearing loss, audiograms, tympanograms, hearing aids, cochlear implants, FM systems. I have been studying my audiology book, but it's still technical...and I'm not very technically inclined. I'm sure I'll pass, but I'm also sure I'll get mylowest grade in that area.
Ok, so Moob and I were talking about painting our house. The inside, not the outside. I've been wanting to paint a wall in my room as an accent. Moob's been wanting to paint in her room. And, we NEED to paint in the lower part of the house. Those who painted it before didn't do a great job. There are spots where it was just patched over and incomplete and mis-matched colors. So, we're thinking about getting some paint with some of our "extra" money (not that we have any...but we can budget that in!). And, we were talking also about getting draperies for the 4 exposed windows in the house. We found some online at WalMart.com. They're kinda pretty...we'll take a look at the store and see if they are ones we like.
Ok, off to finish (ahem) my paper. Actually, I'm concentrating now more on my outline. I was having a problem bringing all of my information together, so I decided to go back and expand my outline. That way, the paper will flow more naturally.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Day Twenty-Five...A Day Off...Kinda
Oh, and some guy came to the door this morning. I have no idea who he was. He asked if I owned the Blazer out in my driveway. I thought about saying something smarmy like, "No, I'm not sure who's it is...it just showed up one day.", but I changed my mind and told him it was mine. He asked if I was interested in selling it. I told him no because I just got it up and running. Weird, huh? Then, my roommate said, "You should have told him about Moob's truck for sale!" DOH! Didn't even think about it! Although, he did say he wanted a blazer, so...
Monday, October 8, 2007
Day Twenty-Four...A Block to Work
I've started reading a book by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating". It talks about the position a woman has in God's plan...that Eve was the Crown of Creation, not an afterthought. So far I'm on chapter 6 and it's been pretty amazing. The word-pictures the authors use to describe feelings that nearly all women have are amazing...they fit me so well. I can't pinpoint exactly where these feelings/perceptions come from, but I do know that I haven't felt worth much to anyone since I was very young. I remember not having many friends as a child...1...maybe 2 at one time...no, really, just one at a time. First, it was Sarah...then it was JJ, then Moob, then Lindsey, then Jaime, then Heather. It's been Heather since middle school until 2005. Now it's Moob again. But, except for Moob, all the other friendships have died because they just stopped. With Moob, we moved, they moved, we found each other, she moved again, we found each other, I moved out of state and we finally found each other again! Anyway, I've really never had a good, healthy relationship. I've always felt very alone. I know that's why I allowed certain situations to happen. But, it seems like all of my friendships just...stop. Even ones from college. I lived on campus for a year...one of the most AMAZING years of my life...but I'm only in contact with 1 of the girls from my floor...and there were 24 of us...and she lives in Arizona. But anyway, back to the book...this book is showing me so many things about myself as a woman...a woman created to bear the image of God...the femininity that God has, the relationship-based love He has for us...that's me. I'm important. I'm needed and the negative feelings I have are a direct attack from the enemy. The enemy specifically hates women. Here's why: women want relationships to work out...and they are the givers of life. We produce the babies that will carry mankind forward. Not to say men don't play an important role, but we incubate the babies, bear them, nurture them, teach them, love them and expect them to grow and be successful. That's our job as women. That's our role in the grand scheme of God's plan. Therefore, the enemy will make a direct, specific, hateful attack on our emotions in order to make us not trust God. He did so to Eve. "Surely you will not die" were the words he said to Eve, making her disbelieve God's word, causing her to think God was holding out on her. She felt that in order to make the relationship right, she had to take matters into her own hand. She had to take control. She ate the apple. Since then, there has been conflict between women and the enemy. He will do anything and everything to make our lives miserable. But, God says we are beautiful. We have a beauty to reveal to others...to the world. We just need to take a hold to that promise and believe it of ourselves, not in a proud, haughty way, but resting in the fact that God...the maker of the universe...thinks we are something to be beheld...something to be looked upon with awe...something more beautiful than the mountains, flowers, oceans and plains He created...THAT'S TRULY AMAZING!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Day Twenty-Three...A Day of Finality
Well, now it's on to homework. Fun...no, not really. I can't wait until it's all over. I have a test to take on October 13th, then I can graduate in December. Then, I have another test to take in November in order to apply for my endorsement through the state. I'll have my degree in December and, I suspect/project, my endorsement by March or so. After my November test, it will take 4-6 weeks to get the results, then 4-6 weeks after that, I should get my endorsement. That's farther away than I wanted, but it'll be OK. It'll put me in the running for any Deaf Ed jobs next year. So, looking at the big picture, it'll be OK.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Day Twenty-Two...The Greatest Day!
Then, we started reading. I introduced the "Little Bill" series by Bill Cosby. I got to introduce Bill Cosby to them. At first one of the kids said, "Oh, he's in the Fat Albert series, right?" I said, "That's right! He was also in another show. Does anyone know what it is?" Dead silence! I said, "Has anyone heard of The Cosby Show?" Again, dead silence! Great! I just aged myself! So, I thought, how can I bring this home to them? I described the show for them...they had NO idea! So, I asked, "Does anyone watch That's So Raven"...that did it! All of a sudden, all the students talked all at once! It was amazing how animated they were! I explained that Raven was about 4 years old when she was on that show and they finally got it! Then I was able to read the story, talk about vocab, predictions, point of view, all the elements of literature review. It was SO much fun!
Then, after reading, we studied spelling...the silent 'e' factor...changing kit to kite, fin to fine, etc.
Then, it was lunch time. I ate in the teachers' lounge which, for 13 years of my life, I was told "stay out of the teachers' lounge"...I went to school for 3 years, got a piece of paper from the state stating now I can go in the teachers' lounge! It was awesome! Anyway, I was eating lunch in the teachers' lounge when my teacher, Jeanine, came in and sat at the same table at which I was eating. She introduced me to her colleagues, saying, "This is my sub. She's been so good! She's the best sub I've had!" OMG! Right in front of me! AHHHH! So, that made my morning! Then, after lunch, before the kids came back in, she asked me if I had a card with my request in formation on it. I told her they were in the mail, but that I'd leave that info with her at the end of the day. So, again, that made my morning!
Then, the kids came back...we focused on math and Scholastic News. It was all about pumpkins. So much fun! I drew a diagram of a pumpkin on the board and the kids all said, "Oooooooh, she's an artist!" Of course, I'm not, but it felt good to hear them say that! Anyway, we talked about the different parts of a pumpkin: skin, meat, pulp, stem, seeds. Then labeled each part. Then, to expand their learning, I asked what ELSE we could draw a diagram of. Right off, they said, "A GHOST!" So, I drew my best rendition of the Pac-Man ghosts and labeled all the "parts"! Then, I drew a person and they labeled it all! Again, so much fun!
After recess, the kids went to music, then back to my class. We finished up a graph about pumpkin weight. The colored a bar graph. Pretty cool!
After that, we played a spelling game, then it was time to go. The day went by so fast...it was sad to see it end! But, after the kids left, the teacher came back in to see me off. She again made sure I had left her my card information...which I had already done! I finished cleaning up and took off. I checked out of the office and met the secretary there...it's a small world! The secretary is the daughter-in-law of our former land-lord when I was age 3-6 and the wife of the maintenance man in the same house. Her sister-in-law was also my 1st grade teacher! AHHHH! WAY TOO SMALL WORLD!
Anyway, I was supposed to work tomorrow through Friday for half-days, but the teacher cancelled that. I'll see if there's anything else available, but nothing so far.