Day One-Hundred-Sixteen...A Day of Changes

As some of you know, I've decided to head back to school to...well, to make myself a little more employable. I've had NOTHING but struggles trying to get into a full time, permanent teaching position. It's been SO VERY FRUSTRATING! Oh, and as an update, I didn't get the ASL job to the North. I emailed the principal and asked what the status was on my application. He said that I wasn't recommended for the next step because I didn't have the level of knowledge of instructional methods and assessment for ASL as he would have expected for that position. I was SO relieved to hear that it WASN'T because of a nasty reference from my last position. Anyway, that email got me thinking...and Sulla got me thinking, too...about what I really need to do. I am at such a crossroads right now. I'm not employed full time. I have the opportunity to go back to school for whatever I want to do. What decision should I make?

Well, I thought, and prayed, and prayed and thought. I asked myself, "What kinds of things do I need to do to make myself a better teacher?" and "What kinds of methods was the principal looking for?" and "Should I just go with what I want to do and get the English degree because that will be SO MUCH FUN or should I try something that will actually make me better at what I do?" Well, after much prayer, I decided I would turn to the internet! Ok, I just wanted to see if what I was sensing from the Lord was feasible. I know it's possible, but I wanted to see if I was hearing correctly.

And, much to my surprise, I was.

I Googled the question, "What education does an ASL teacher need?". And, right away, among other sites, the website for the ASLTA popped up. The ASLTA is the American Sign Language Teacher's Association. I actually belong to the WA-ASLTA (Washington Chapter of the ASLTA), but not the National organization. I'm going join just as soon as I can! Anyway, they gave several out-of-state universities that have Deaf Studies degrees. One is at CSUN (California State University at Northridge), a VERY popular West-Coast university for ASL-related studies. Another, which I wouldn't mind going to at all, is at Gallaudet in Washington DC. Now, the only part about getting another degree, especially from one of these universities, would be the relocation. My heart sank when I saw all of their recommendations were for universities out of state. The closest is in Californa. I don't like California. I have a hard time when it gets over 70 degrees. And, I don't want to move anywhere.

So, I thought, OK, Lord, maybe I didn't hear from you. Maybe I'm just projecting what I want onto what I think you're saying to me.

But, then, it hit me. One of the Community Colleges in town has a 2-year AAS Degree in Deaf Studies. It's only a few miles away! I can live here, work here, and get my degree. Now, for those of you who don't know, I already have my AA, my BA, and my MA. My AA is a general transfer degree. My BA is in Special Education and Elementary Education, with my teaching certificate. And, my Masters Degree is in Deaf Education. It might seem silly for me to "regress" and get another AA degree, but it's the content I'm missing.

Let me explain...

I grew up learning ASL. I grew up learning Deaf Culture. I grew up immersed in Deaf History. But, I never learned how to teach it. I learned ASL from friends, teachers (informally, in class as a means of learning another subject), and from adults. I took 1 ASL class when I was 23 because my work paid for it...and I wanted to increase my GPA. But, that was in 1999...9 years ago! I don't remember any of the assignments or activities. I don't remember the "grammar structure" of ASL, or any of the other components of ASL. I know the language. I'm fluent in it, but have never had it broken down for me. I can tell you when an aspect is missing, but I couldn't tell you what it's called.

The same is true with Deaf Culture and History. I could tell you the names Laurent Clerc, Alice Cogswell, Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet, Howie Seago, AG Bell, Helen Keller, Ken Mikos, Ella Mae Lentz, Jason Zinza, I. King Jordan. But, I have never seen those names brought to life. I have NO idea how to incorporate their significance into a lesson plan.

This predicament would be like any of you, being fluent in a language, going to a foreign country and trying to explain it without having taken formal classes. Say you learned Spanish from a friend growing up...using it every day for 15 years. Say you could get along perfectly in a Mexican restaurant, and hold your own while watching a Novella, or in a conversation. You are fluent in Spanish, a near-native speaker. Now, imagine you were invited to teach Spanish at a High School. Would you feel comfortable? No. That's what I was trying to do. I am a native-speaker (well, as near-native as you can get) and I was trying to go from a Mexican restaurant to a classroom...unprepared. It didn't work.

So, what do I do? I go get prepared! That means...drumroll please...I'm going back and taking ASL 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6! LOL! I KNOW! Hysterical, isn't it? I'm already fluent in the language and I'm going to take those classes anyway. Silly? No. Why, you ask? Because I will not only be learning the things I missed (like the labels and correct grammar/syntax, etc.), I will be gleaning teaching techniques from my instructors to be used within my classroom. Ah-ha, you say! I'll be stealing their ideas! Yes. I will. But, in the education world, we call that collaboration! Thank you, Dr. Hartnett! Actually, I will be using what I learn, taking that information and molding it to my teaching style. It will also allow me to match my curriculum with the articulation agreement that this particular community college has with the high schools in the area. Under that specific agreement, in an effort to attract high school students to ASL-, or Deaf-related education and jobs after graduation, students who earn a B or better in an approved teacher's class will receive college credits for those classes, thereby eliminating 2 - 3 classes they have to take, and pay for, once they graduate. It's a win-win-win situation. I was working on becoming approved when I got sick last April.

So, anyway, that's where I'm going. Right now, I'm trying to figure out if I can do it with my work schedule. I have to work full time if I want to go to school. I have a family for which I have to provide. It's kinda nice having people relying on me again, but at the same time, it's quite a responsibility. Sulla and I are the bread-winners in our house right now and neither of us are working! In fact, both of us are going back to school to better ourselves. He's going for Computer Drafting and Design and I'm going for Deaf Studies...something we're each passionate about...and good at!

So, I'll be taking a variety of classes. Like I said, I'll be taking ASL I - VI. I'll also be taking Deaf Culture classes and ITP (Interpreter Training Program) classes. Because many of the districts are taking ASL and putting it in a Career and Technical Education category (for financial reasons), ASL teachers are expected to bring ASL/Deaf-related jobs and skills into the classroom. So, that's why I'm taking the ITP classes. And, who knows, if I play my cards right, I just might come out a certified Interpreter, too! Wouldn't that be cool!

Well, if I've calculated correctly, my schedule for the next 2 years will look like this:

Fall 2008:

~ ASL I
~ Deaf-Blind Interpreting
~ Survey of Interpreting

Winter 2009:

~ ASL II
~ Ethics of Interpreting
~ Spanish I (Ok, that's not in the program, but I've always wanted to learn Spanish!)

Spring 2009:

~ Introduction to Deaf Studies
~ Spanish II
~ Comparative Linguistics: ASL and English

Summer 2009: (this is tentative...I may just take the summer off!)

~ Interculture Communication
~ ASL III
~ Spanish III

Fall 2009:

~ ASL IV
~ ASL-to-English Interpretation
~ English-to-ASL Interpretation

Winter 2010 (Oh, my goodness, can you believe I'm talking about 2010? Scary!):

~ American Deaf Culture
~ ASL V
~ Interpreting in Specialized Settings (this brings in several ASL- or Deaf-related fields: mental health, medical, legal, educational k-12, substance abuse programs, performance and religious settings)

Spring 2010

~ ASL VI
~ ASL Theatre
~ Survey of Hearing Impairment (this one I may ask to waive. I just took it in grad school. I may take it again, though...just to have it all fresh).

All told, it will be 96 credits, another complete degree, and at half the cost of the university I was attending for my English degree. Literally, half the cost, twice the education. And, it will further me in my career goals much better than the (ever-so-fun, but ever-so-frivolous) English degree.

And, it should fit nicely around my subbing schedule and my PSA schedule. I feel very much at peace about it.

Thank you, Jesus, for showing this to me. Thank you, God, for shutting the door on the English degree by making me not feel at peace about it. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for prompting me to look at what I had planned and compare it to what God said about it. Thank you, God, for reaffirming my belief that this is the way I am supposed to go.

Ok, g'nite! I AM going to church tomorrow! That's another blog, but I'm excited! I'm going back to church, AND going to get connected with a Young Women's group. Ok, I'll share. I was on my church's website, looking over the calendar. Our mid-week services have been on hiatus for the last few weeks, winding down from the summer and gearing up for Fall. So, I haven't been able to jump right in like I wanted to. And, interestingly enough, that's been ok. Turns out, as I was on the calendar, I found a link to a woman's name, email and phone number. The link was for a "Young Women's Home Group". At first, I thought, "I'm probably too old. They're probably look at right out of high school through 29 or 30. That was the enemy! I emailed this woman anyway, just asking for clarification. She said she was looking for women between 25 and 35. I WAS ELATED! YAY! I'm still YOUNG! LOL! Anyway, we'll be starting up on Wednesday nights, the first night being the 10th, at the church. We're going to be studying a book called "Secrets of the Secret Place". Oh, that's JUST what I've been needing. I have REALLY been experiencing a time of making up for things I've missed. I've missed in the ASL classes. I've missed out in church. I've missed out in my relationship with Christ and how that works. But, God is bringing all of those things around and working them out. He is GOOD!

Ok, so now I really AM going to bed. I have to get up in 7.5 hours. I should have been in bed HOURS ago! I had a HORRIBLE migraine on Friday and ended up sleeping until 5:30 Friday evening. Needless to say, I wasn't tired when everyone else went to bed! Heh! So, I was up until 6:30 this morning! I went to bed and probably fell asleep by 7:00 - 7:15 or so. It was light out...that's all I know! Ha! Anyway, I purposely set my alarm to get up no later than noon so I'd be nice and tired come bed time. Well, as you can see, that didn't work! LOL! Well, actually, I was tired ALL day...even considered a nap around 4:50 - 5:00. But, no, I kept myself up, working on my class schedule so I could go to bed descent. Again, didn't work! I caught a second wind! Sigh...

Ok...NOW I'm going to bed. I'm out of things to talk about. For now...

Hee Hee!

Day One-Hundred-Fifteen...Promise Number Three

So, this promise has actually been significant in my life several times. But, none more so than tonight. I discovered that ex-roomie has taken the rest of my cable equipment and done something with it...other than handing it over to the cable tech on July 15th...like she was supposed to do. So, I now have a bill for cable of over $615, which, incidentally, includes her and her mother's portion of the cable from May 20 to June 30th. So, not only does she owe me 1 DVR box and a cable modem, she owes for 2/3 of the cable bill, 2/3 of the garbage bill, 2/3 of the PUD bill and 2/3 of the PSE bill. All total, just in the bills, she owes me $187 and change...and that's AFTER I used the $150 she had in my account for her groceries (yes, the one she is accusing me of stealing...ummm...hello...it went to pay for part of your bills!).

When, I confronted ex-roomie on it, her true colors really showed (as if I couldn't see them before). She, naturally, had to resort to name-calling: childish, worthless pratter, someone whose life is a mess and doesn't even have the remote chance of ever being a mother, a life with no value, a little girl, pobrecita (Spanish for poor little girl), deluded, the mother of none, not important, jealous, incestuous, a liar, irrational, unbecoming (she thought I was begging for money). It was quite interesting. You know when you have a lightbulb moment and you see things clearly, for what they really are, for the first time? I had one of those today. Moob didn't divorce her ex because he cheated on her. He cheated on her because she drove him away. Things didn't go exactly as she had planned and she drove him away. Does that excuse what he did? Uh, heckno-techno! But, it does EXPLAIN it! I just feel bad that Millyra, and now Olorin, are caught in the middle of it and are helpless to do anything about it.

You know, I told Moob that I had been more of a mom to her daughter in the 2 1/2 years I knew her than she would EVER be in her entire life, just by donating an egg. And, it's true. (Pardon me while I rant a little...I need this!). Who was it that showed this little girl unconditional love? Me. Who was it that led her to the Lord? Me. Who was it that showed her things in Scripture? Me. Who was it that taught her to pray? Me. Who was it that she stayed with on Mother's Day because she wanted to go to church? Me. Who taught her to love reading? Me. Who helped her be successful in school? Me. Who was it that showed her how to care for others? Me. Who was it that stayed with her mother in the hospital for 2 nights after emergency surgery, sleeping in a recliner made for someone who weighs less than 150 pounds, wiping her butt because she couldn't reach it herself, and the nurse wouldn't do it without latex gloves (she's allergic to latex)? Me. Who took an entire week off work when she came home (which contributed to losing the job), slept on the couch, and jumped every time Moob woke up to make sure she was ok? Me. Who was there when Millyra had cramps and needed some cuddle time, and didn't mind being woke out of a dead sleep to minister to the emotional needs of an 11-year-old in pain, even though Moob was awake downstairs playing on her computer? Me. That's what being a mom is all about. Not giving birth. Any idiot can give birth. I don't have children and am still a mom. She has had a child and is no where NEAR being a mom. That's the REAL miracle of childbirth.

And, you know...I think my perspective on motherhood has really changed. I've always felt bad because I don't have kids. I want them SO much. I've always felt a failure as a woman because I don't have kids. I've always felt less. But, on Mother's Day this year, my Pastor was honoring all of the mothers. I've already blogged about this, but it's significant to my feelings and reactions today. He wanted all of the moms in the sanctuary to stand up. Then, he said all women who were 21 or older could join them. I thought at first he meant all the moms who were 21 or older can join them. But, he said, "No, I want every woman in here who is 21 or older to stand up. Even if you don't have children by birth, you're still mothering someone." I was speechless. He was right. I didn't have children by birth, but I was still a mom. I got a flower and chocolate along with all the other moms. What an amazing day. That felt so good...to be acknowledged. And, that is something that Moob will never understand. She ASSUMES that she gets to be loved as a mother just because she's given birth...that she has the corner on that market. I told her tonight that Millyra HAS to love her because she's her birth child. But, Millyra CHOSE to love me. And that's something Moob will never understand...having someone CHOOSE to love her.

Now, the paragraph before the last is RIDDLED with "ME, ME, ME", and normally I'm not all about "ME". However, I wanted to prove a point. Not that anyone reading this will need that point proven to them, but sometimes it feels good to just write it down! The point is that some people are takers and others are givers. I try my DARNDEST to be a giver. It's just my personality. I have given and given and given. It seems like all that giving has gone unnoticed. There's an old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished" and, boy, have I felt like that. It seems like all I do is try to help people, give people what they need and more, provide for others, minister to others, take them in, share my family with them...and get kicked in the teeth. My sister did that...my boyfriend did that...my cousin did that...and now my friend did that. You'd think that after so many times, I'd finally get it through my thick skull! Knock it off, already! But, no! That's what the enemy wants me to believe. That's where I have to hold onto this third promise (do you like how I tied that in? Not too shabby!). Everything that I have done...everthing that has been done to me...God sees and works together for good BECAUSE I love Him and am called according to His purpose. It is HIS purpose for me to give. It is HIS purpose for me to love. It is HIS purpose for me to provide. It is HIS job, then, to work the "bad" things into good...not mine!

Just an aside, I am choosing to NOT use The Message interpretation this time. While I LOVE that interpretation, the meaning of the scripture is implicit, not explicit...and I think this one deserves the explicit!

Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

And we know...

~ to have knowledge or clear and certain perception, as of fact or truth.
~ to be cognizant or aware, as of some fact, circumstance, or occurrence; have information, as about something.

...that in all things...

~ the whole quantity or amount
~ the whole number; every one
~ everything

...God works...

~ to use or manage
~ to bring about
~ to manipulate or treat
~ to put into effective operation
~ to operate
~ to carry on operations
~ to make, fashion, or execute
~ to achieve or win by work or effort

...for the good...

~ profit or advantage; worth; benefit
~ excellence or merit; kindness
~ moral righteousness; virtue

...of those who love Him...

~ a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
~ a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection

...who have been called...

~ To order or request to undertake a particular activity or work; summon

....according to...

~ in agreement, unity, or harmony with
~ to make to agree or correspond; to suit one thing to another; to adjust

...His purpose.

~ the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
~ an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
~ determination; resoluteness.
~ the subject in hand; the point at issue.
~ practical result, effect, or advantage

So, all of the things that I've gone through with Moob and the nastiness it's caused me, those things will work together for good, by God, because I live Him and have lived in agreement with His purposes for me.

Of that, I can be sure!

Day One-Hundred-Fourteen...Promise Number Two

John 14:15 & 16 (NIV)

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever.

The Message:

If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you. I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you.

If you love me...

~ a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
~ a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection

...show it...

~ to cause or allow to be seen
~ to explain or make clear
~ to make known to
~ to prove; demonstrate

...by doing...

~ to act or conduct oneself
~ to perform
~ to execute
~ to accomplish
~ to put forth

... what I've told you.

~ to announce or proclaim
~ to utter
~ to express in words
~ to reveal or divulge
~ to say plainly or positively
~ to inform
~ to bid, order, or command

...I will talk to the Father...

~ to communicate or exchange ideas, information, etc., by speaking
~ to consult or confer
~ a conference or negotiating session

... and he'll provide you...

~ to make available; furnish
~ to supply or equip
~ to afford or yield
~ to take measures with due foresight
~ to make arrangements for supplying means of support, money, etc.
~ to supply means of support

...another Friend...

~ a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
~ a person who gives assistance
~ a person who is on good terms with another

... so that you will always...

~ every time; on every occasion; without exception
~ all the time; continuously; uninterruptedly
~ forever
~ in any event; at any time; if necessary

...have someone with you.

~ accompanied by; accompanying

Promise Number Three, Next!

Day One-Hundred-Thirteen...God Is Good

All The Time!

I have to tell myself that because, if I don't, I'll end up crying. And, while my faith is being shaken, stirred, rumbled around and pounded upon, I WILL stand firm on the promises of God.

Promise Number 1) My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Glory in Christ Jesus.

As I read this in the NIV, it said exactly what I thought it would say. God shall supply all your needs. But, reading it in the Message, it says something different to me: "You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus." Let's look at this:

You can be sure...

~ free from doubt as to the reliability, character, action, etc., of something
~ confident, as of something expected
~ convinced, fully persuaded, or positive
~ assured or certain beyond question: a sure victory.
~ worthy of confidence; reliable; stable: a sure messenger.
~ unfailing; never disappointing expectations: a sure cure.
~ unerring; never missing, slipping, etc.: a sure aim.
~ admitting of no doubt or question: sure proof.
~ destined; bound inevitably; certain

...that God will...

~ expected or required to
~ determined or sure to

...take care of...

~ to act on; deal with; attend to

...everything...

~ every thing or particular of an aggregate or total; all

...you need...

~ a requirement, necessary duty, or obligation
~ a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary
~ urgent want, as of something requisite
~ necessity arising from the circumstances of a situation or case
~ a situation or time of difficulty; exigency
~ a condition marked by the lack of something requisite
~ destitution; extreme poverty

...his generosity...

~ readiness or liberality in giving

...exceeding even yours...

~ to go beyond in quantity, degree, rate, etc.: to exceed the speed limit.
~ to go beyond the bounds or limits of: to exceed one's understanding.
~ to surpass; be superior to; excel
~ to be greater, as in quantity or degree.
~ to surpass others; excel or be superior.

...in the glory...

~ very great praise, honor, or distinction bestowed by common consent; renown
~ something that is a source of honor, fame, or admiration; a distinguished ornament or an object of pride
~ adoring praise or worshipful thanksgiving
~ resplendent beauty or magnificence
~a state of great splendor, magnificence, or prosperity
~ a state of absolute happiness, gratification, contentment, etc

...that pours...

~ To stream or flow continuously or profusely.
~ To rain hard or heavily

...from Jesus.

Ok, NOW it says something VERY different. I have always loved language and it's been difficult for me to really read Scriptures without hearing my Sunday School teachers reciting them without any feeling or emotion. So, to read the Message version, then look up the significant words, helps me to really 'get' what the meaning of a scripture really is. Do I do that with every Scripture? No. Jesus wept. It's pretty self-explanatory! But, when a Scripture is brought to my mind or given to me by a friend, I like to delve into it and glean the root meaning. It makes it SO much easier to apply to my life.

Promies 2, tomorrow!

Day One-Hundred-Twelve...Update

1) It's over. The mess I've been in with ex-roomie is finally over. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

2) I got a job. I'm now an on-call Personal Support Advocate for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing clients with the Volunteers of America, Greenwood. What does that mean? Well, it means I get to hang out with some pretty cool people, helping them with their daily lives, teaching them to be independent in their living arrangements. Right now, it's only on-call, but it can develop into a full time and permanent position. And, because of my ASL background, I get a higher level of pay. No benefits right now, but as I accrue more hours, those will become available.

3) Just had an interview with a school district just South of me. It's for a middle school EBD program. EBD, for those of who who are not in Special Education, stands for Emotionally and Behaviorally Disabled. According to Wikipedia, EBD "is a broad category which is used commonly in educational settings, to group a range of more specific perceived difficulties of children and adolescents. Both general definitions as well as concrete diagnosis of EBD may be controversial as the observed behaviour may depend on many factors." So, basically it is a class for students with behavior and emotional disorders or issues that seriously impede their learning within a general classroom setting. It'd be a challenge, but I think I'm up for it. I met with the Principal and the Director of Special Services today for a screening interview. They're doing the screening this week, then second interviews next week and offering the job by Friday of next week (August 22)...which is good because classes start September 3rd!

4) I haven't heard back about the .6 ASL job. I fear that they called my previous district and got a bad reference. I really want THIS job over any other I've applied for. It's perfect for me. And, the Principal seemed to be into me and my skills, even commenting that with my Special Education background, they probably would be able to find other duties for me to make it full time. And, I know the other 2 ASL teachers, so, we could collaborate together, aligning our classes to produce quality education and students who are able to communicate with each other on the same levels. I'm not giving up hope, but I'd like to know soon so I can get my stuff together!

5) I still have no money...

6) I'll start subbing in the fall. I am back on the sub list for all 3 districts I was working for last year.

7) I've started reading Matthew and Psalms. My girlfriends have started encouraging me to get back into the Bible. I'm sure that's why I've been feeling all nasty in my spirit.

Ok...that's all for now.

Day One-Hundred-Eleven...Fed Up

I totally don't know what to say. I was doing SO well. I had even stopped dreaming about ex-roomie. But, yesterday, ex-roomie's new roomie made a comment on MySpace that showed her TRUE personality and character.

It just seems like one . . . thing . . . after . . . another

. . . after . . . another

. . . after . . . another.

I was forced to move out of my home.

I just now got my belongings out of storage.

I have no job.

I have no money.

I have no food.

I'm on public assistance . . . read that: food stamps

My dad has been sick for nearly 6 months . . . from a bleeding ulcer . . . from the stress of all this crap.

He's been out of work for months, too . . . just now getting back to it.

We have a house payment due in a week and no money to pay it.

I've had interview upon interview, but no job.

I've been trying to help outside with the renovation project.

It's been too hot to work outside very much for me.

I just got all my furniture in the back yard yesterday.

It rained last night.

My boxes got wet.

It rained today.

My furniture got wet.

Ex-roomie has flared her ugly head again . . . this time through ex-roomie's new roomie.

New roomie accused me of purposefully stealing her son's board games.

New roomie accused me of being un-Christian-like.

Then, ex-roomie has drug my character and relationship with Christ through the mud.

She's proclaiming to be a Christian and that it is her "duty to spread the Word and lead others who have strayed from God's path."

She's accusing me of stealing things that got packed in my belongings when I was forced to move.
She's accusing me of being jealous of my Dad "adopting her as another daughter".

She's accusing me of sinning against her 11 year old daughter (who I had a MUCH closer relationship with than she EVER had . . . I taught her how to put a tampon in, prayed for her when she had cramps, cuddled with when she was missing her father, brought up from a 1st grade reading level to a 5th grade reading level in less than 2 years . . . you get the picture) by putting the item she accused me of stealing (a baptism dress that ex-roomie asked to store in my closet at that house) out in the rain and ruining it out of spite and in an attempt to "pay her back".

She is lecturing me on repentence and forgiveness.

She is pointing out how un-Christian I am being.

I'm just trying to get on with my life.

I have no money for my meds . . . and I NEED those meds.

I've defaulted on 2 credit cards because I've had no money.

I had to drop out of school because of all these situations.

I'm so tired of this . . .

I've never wanted to say screw everything, screw everyone, I'm taking my ball and leaving!

I so need a vacation . . .

I almost would like to just up and move . . . far, far away, and never see anyone again.

Sigh . . .

So, my faith is on the rocks . . . .no, not like whisky on the rocks, more like rocky terrain. My belief in human kindness is shaken. My desire to reach out and offer myself to others is squelched. My will to pick myself up and move on is waivering. My belief that when I do something for someone else, that is a good thing and that those investments in the lives of my friends will someday have a return.

I'm definitely at a crossroads.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

I try to keep a happy face . . .

I try to remain strong for my family . . .

I try to maintain my faith . . .

I don't think I can do it anymore . . .

I'm not strong enough . . .

I'm not going to off myself, but I might just break down.

Day One-Hundred-Ten...Reconnecting

So, I've reconnected with several people from my past...both those I never thought I'd see again and those I thought wouldn't ever remember me! I reconnected with one girl I went to elementary school with! LOL!

I've also reached outside of my comfort zone and applied for some jobs that I never thought I'd like to do. In fact, I had an interview for an Advocate for Adults with Developmental Disabilities and who are Deaf. Perfect! I should know on Monday or Tuesday if I get that.

I also had my interview for that .6 ASL position. I should know by next Friday. And, the principal of the high school I'd be working at was at the interview. I asked if there were other duties I could add to the .6 to make it closer to full time. He said, without hesitation, "With your Special Education background and experience, most likely." I was pleasantly surprised! In fact, I looked at the teacher's schedule from last year (2007-2008) and, if I take that teacher's place, I'd actually teach 2 classes of Life Skills and 3 classes of ASL, with 1 period for planning. That'd be awesome!

Ok...so hungry! Getting some food! Then going to bed!

G'nite!

Day One-Hundred-Nine...Interview

I have an interview tomorrow for an ASL position tomorrow. It's only a .6, but it's better than nothing. And, it has benefits, so...

If y'all think about it, please pray that God's will be done.

I'll keep you posted!

Day One-Hundred-Eight...Changes

Gray Cloak and I, along with some friends, cleared out 5 sofas and loveseats from the basement, a dining room table, 4 chairs, and 2 end tables. These are all going on CraigsList to be sold to make up some of the money I had to spend to move out of my house...and to pay for the bills we have. We're also going to sell my couch and chair, my dining room table and chairs, my old entertainment center, and some other things, too.

I've applied for some teaching jobs for the fall. One is at the place I did my internship for my undergrad studies. It's for a Deaf-Blind student. Basically, I would be her eyes and ears, facilitating communication and accessibility to her education. I think I know who it will be, so I'm making the (educated) assumption that this student is a "her".

I also have an interview with the school district 2 districts north of me for an ASL teaching position. That would be VERY cool. It's only a .6 FTE. FTE means Full Time Equivalent...so a full time teacher would be a 1.0 FTE. So, this position is only a .6 FTE, but with where I fall on the pay scale, I should be fine. If not, I can always supplement it with some tutoring or something.

I also had interviews yesterday with 2 families to be their nanny. One family was in a HUGE house south east of me...not too far away...about 15 miles one way. They'll pay about $35,000 a year with 1 week paid vacation, 5 sick days and holidays off. This family had 3 boys: one is going into 1st grade, 1 in Kindergarten, and 1 baby...well, one year old.

The second family lives in the same neighborhood in which I was born and lived for the first 6 years of my life. They have 2 twin girls that are 15 months old. They're learning ASL as their first language, which is REALLY cool! They LOVE playing outside and inside. They LOVE to read. This family only needs someone Mondays and Wednesdays, but it's do-able.

I also had an interview earlier in the week for a family just South of where I live. They have 2 boys: 4 and 1 year old. They're looking for someone quite structured. They're offering $20,000 a year, plus vacation and sick days. But, they're also able to possibly offer me a job share with his sister. She has a 4 year old and would be able to add to that.

So, we'll see what happens.

Going to cook dinner...buh-bye!

Day One-Hundred-Seven...The Beginning of Faith

Today I got a call from one of the staff pastors at my church. He had
been told that I wasn't working and was looking for some assistance. I
explained my situation, which include's Gray Cloak's being sick and not
working, Dilibririth's current physical limitations, Sulla's current
(un)employment situation and my own predicament. I explained that we
have just about enough money to pay for the current bills (through the
middle of July) but that we were tapped...and without food. So, he told
me he would be able to get our family some gift cards to the grocery
store.

So, I just got $50 toward groceries! Yay! God is good!

Off to buy food for the house!

Day One-Hundred-Six...40 Days of Faith

I came across this blog a few weeks ago. It's 40-Days of Faith. It was a journey of prayer and faith for the things that you want to see happen in your life. Because I came upon it late, I decided I would wait until the end to take part in the 40 days of faith.

So, here's the beginning of it. Each day, I'm going to paste the author's post and participate on my own.

So, here's the first one...

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Welcome to 40 Days of Faith!

We'll start the official countdown tomorrow. Today is a warm-up day, sort of like when all the runners gather for a pasta dinner the night before the Boston Marathon.

This is an apt comparison, actually--as I discovered the first time I tried asking God for something that mattered to me each day for 40 days, this is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be times you want to give up, days where you couldn't care less, and moments when you think this might be the stupidest thing you've ever tried. It comes with the territory--this is hard, this thing we're doing, putting our hearts out there before God and asking him to make our dreams a reality. But, as Dr. Phil always says, "You can't argue with results..." I've seen amazing results in the times I've set aside to see what God might have to say about my hopes and desires, and I'm only one story out of dozens and dozens. Hard is often worth it; here's hoping this is one of those times!

By way of preparation, here's the basic shape of what we'll be doing.

First: Let's each ask ourselves, "What do I want Jesus to do for me?" If you're not sure about Jesus, that's totally fair. I include him here because he says some pretty astounding things about answering our prayers and giving us a new life that exceeds our expectations...I like the idea of taking him up on this offer. But if this is a new idea, feel free to to preface the question with, "If Jesus really is who he says he is in the Bible, what would I want him to do for me?"A note on this asking: be specific. Ask for something tangible, where you'll know whether or not your prayer has been answered. (For example, I knew exactly when Jesus answered my prayers for a husband. My prayer for a happier attitude towards cleaning the bathroom, on the other hand, is a little tougher to pin down).

Second: Let's consider fasting from something for these 40 Days. I talk about this idea of fasting a bit in my book, and how the Bible suggests it goes hand-in-hand with prayer. During my first 40 Days, I fasted from coffee. In subsequent years I've fasted from reading (which made trips to the hairdresser long as I stared out the window while my highlights foiled...), baked goods, or television. The idea here is that when we're craving coffee or sweets, or passing up the latest issue of People at the salon, we can offer this up to God. I find myself saying, "Lord, I want a husband more than I want caffeine/pop culture updates/dessert right now." Somehow this connects me to my real desires, because I can't escape into the lesser things I use to comfort or distract me.

Important Note: if an eating disorder has ever been a struggle for you, PLEASE don't fast from food. Ask God what your fast should be; he has lots of good ideas!

Third: Teamwork. Each day, I'll post three things on this blog: An inspirational story or passage, some thoughts on why it inspires me, and a song that bolsters my hope when it's flagging. By the end of this time together, not only will we have amazing stories of answered prayer, we'll have a playlist to commemorate this time...what could be better?Your part in this teamwork facet is to check in via the comments. Post a comment every day, letting us know how you're doing. It can be a reaction to the day's writing, an update on something specific, or a funny anecdote that happened that day. If you're losing hope, let us know. If your prayer is answered, let us know. We're in this together!

Okay, that's all for today. I'll see you tomorrow for Day 1. Until then, remember: "What is impossible with man is possible with God." (Luke 18:27) That pretty much covers everything, right?

(This would be a great time, by the way, to click on the comments and say, "I'm in!" If you want to share what you're praying for, great. If not, feel free to keep it private. But let us know you're on the team :))

Bring on the linguini!

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Ok, so...

1) What do I want Jesus to do for me?

This has always been a hard one for me to answer. I want a LOT of things, but I don't want to be greedy, you know? It has always felt like "if you build it, they will come" and I always want to do what God wants me to do. But, in this 40-Days of Faith, I think I'm going to strip down my inhibitions and just "present my requests to God" and watch them come to pass!

So, what do I want? Here's my list (or at least what I can think of at 12:00 in the morning!):

~ I want to get married.
~ I want to have children.
~ I want to be financially secure.
~ I want to buy a house.
~ I want to be out of debt.
~ I want to have a better attitude about myself. That includes about making sure I clean up after myself, keeping my attitude toward my worth higher, keeping my head up and my sense of esteem in Christ first and foremost in my mind.
~ I want to be completely healed from past hurts.
~ I want to make my relationship with the Lord first and foremost in my life.
~ I want to read my Bible daily.
~ I want to pray daily.
~ I want to meditate and hear from God daily.
~ I want to learn to hear His voice.

2) What am I going to fast these next 40 days?

ARGH! I hate this question. I never know exactly what to give up. I could say coffee, but in reality, I don't drink that much. I could say soda, but again, I don't really drink that much. Those wouldn't be much of a sacrifice. I could say beef...I could say chicken...I could say candy...again, not things I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT! So, Lord, what do I fast? Cooking and cleaning? Hee hee! I guess I'm just going to have to pray about this and seek the Lord's direction.

Sigh...

3) Teamwork...well, while I will be looking over the comments on the original blog, I will also make my own comments. If I find something that is interesting, I'll link to it.

An aside about teamwork: when I first read that this was going to be a "team sport", I first thought, "Yay! I won't be in this alone!" However, after blogging this far, I've come to the conclusion that I DO need to do this alone. This is MY 40 days with God. This is MY time to grow closer to Him. This is MY alone time with Him. And that's OK. Jesus was closest to God when He was alone in the desert. Many times, Jesus separated Himself from the crowd to go pray to His Father.

So, starting tonight, I'm going to ask the Lord what He would have me fast. It will have to be something significant, and something I can't replace with something else...otherwise, there is no sacrifice, right?

Day One-Hundred-Five...Trying to Move On

Sigh...

Ok, so I MUST be a glutton for punishment. I accidentally went on Moob's blog (I hadn't removed it from my favorites and it's right below mine). I thought for sure I was over everything, but I'm not. She ABSOLUTELY blasted me and my family again. It's a very immature thing to do. She called me a selfish hag. She called my mom mentally ill (because of greed and the need to control her children) and insinuated that when my mom used the downstairs bathroom, it smelled like "unwashed fat-a$$". She called my dad weak for not standing up to my mother and preventing her from ruining her children. She said she had pictures of my unclean bathroom that she was going to plaster all over her blog, MySpace and ALL the dating sites I've ever gone to before or could possibly go to in the future. She said that my life would end up like it's always been: lonely, wasted, broke. And while I've always feared I'd not married and having no children, I'm never lonely. Even if I was the last person on earth, I'll NEVER be alone. My God and Savior is always with me. My friends (true friends) and family (real family) are always here with me. I'll never be broke because life isn't about money. And my life is never wasted as long as I'm doing God's will...and that's something she'll never understand. She had the chance to understand that, but she walked away from it.

And, you know, the really sad thing is that Moob had the opportunity to really get to know me and my family. She had the opportunity to become an integral member. She was my sister. My dad was her dad. My brother took Millyra out for a "date" because Millyra's dad was out of town for work for several months. At one time, Moob really liked my brother..."like"-liked! Ya...I was trying to get them together. But, Moob kept putting me off. She doesn't believe she deserves happiness. It's really sad...she DOES deserve happiness...she just won't allow herself to have joy.

I guess I've done everything I can do...someday we both will have to stand before God and give account for our actions. All I can do is make sure MY actions are above board.

Sigh...

God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, the wisdom to know the difference.

Day One-Hundred-Four...Interview

I had an interview last night at about 7:00 pm. I was for a caregiving position for a soman about 1/4 miles away from where I live. I can walk to work! So, here's the stats:

~ Employer's name (well, not her real name): Francesca Romani

~ Location: 1/4 miles away

~ Pay: $10 an hour (all private pay!)

~ Time: 40+ hours a week

~ Job duties:

LOTS of transferring - from bed to wheelchair, from wheelchair to restroom, from restroom to chair, chair to car, car to pool, pool back to chair, chair back to car, car to wheelchair, wheelchair back to chair in the house...you get the point.

Shopping: I take Francesca to Costco for groceries

Transportation: We'll be going EVERYWHERE! Francesca has several rental properties in the area as we have to check up on those, we go to the pool, we go shopping...

Overall, I think it's going to be a good, rewarding job. It felt like a shoo-in, but I'd HATE to get my hopes up and then be disappointed. So, I'm going to continue looking for jobs until I hear for sure. If I DO get this job, I'll start the beginning of August, which isn't too far away. Only 15 days.

I've got a few emails out for nanny positions, too...

We'll see what happens...

Day One-Hundred-Three...Changes

So, since I last blogged, there have been some significant changes in my life.

On the home front, that's changed! I'm now living back at home with my parents and my brother. We now have 4 people and 3 dogs in one house. It's pretty crowded, but it's good! There's a LOT more peace in my heart and my life right now that I've felt in a LONG time. Long story, short, Moob flipped out on me. I was out of town for a conference and, via text messaging, within a matter of 45 minutes, she went from, "Oh, sure, Cheyenne (my pooch) can stay overnight and Sulla can get her in the morning" and "have fun at your conference" to "I see the murmuring has continued" and "you're just a @#$!-ing %*&@" and "maybe me and mine need to find another place to live". I still have no idea what set her off...except for an arguement she had with Sulla about picking up some tools left out in the front yard after being used in the remodel. So, June 29th, I went to my conference, June 30th I had to come home, July 1st, I packed up most of my belongings and by July 2nd I was out of the house. Unfortunately, I still have to deal with Moob. She refused to turn over my cable, phone and internet belongings from the cable company. Supposedly a technician is coming over on Wednesday to that house and will collect the equipment, but I have NO idea what condition it will be in. Hopefully, she'll have SOME integrity and NOT damage the equipment, or else I'll have to end up paying over $500 to replace them. We'll see...

On the school front, that's changed, too. Because of all of this "boloney" at my house, I fell behind in my studies by a week. Now, normally this wouldn't be too much. I have my masters degree and THAT was an intense program. This is just an undergraduate degree in English, one of my favorite subjects. However...it is a literature class that has INTENSIVE reading...and DRY material. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. That was a HARD book to wrap my head around. Anyway, these professors gave assignments in the VERY beginning. I was already late with one assignment because I had to move. There was NO way I could catch up and finish well. So, I emailed my advisor and filled her in on the details of my life. She told me that I would withdraw from classes and, because I was enrolled past the first 10 days of class, I would still be admitted to the program when I return in the fall. So, upon much prayer and petition, I decided to drop summer quarter and will return in the fall. I will continue with my classes and actually finish in the summer of 2009.

On the job front...well, that's different, too. I started a job as a nanny the end of June. But, I was let go on last Friday because they found someone to do it for free. I was sad, but I completely understood. They were paying me $200 a week. They could afford it, but if they found someone to watch Iris Burrows for free, you can't blame them. That's $200 they can use for something else. It's ok...I have an interview on Wednesday evening at 7:00 pm for a caregiver position about 1/4 mile from my house. It's for a woman with MS, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, and all "private pay". It requires a lot of transfers, but I shouldn't have a problem doing that. I have training in Special Education and part of that was how to perform transfers to and from wheel-chairs. So, I'm excited about it. If you think about it, please pray for me on Wednesday evening at 7:00 pm.

On the construction front...well, the rooms were move-in ready, but not all of the details were completed. We got the big room nearly finished. The only thing we had left to do was put the trim on the walls and the threshhold where the carpet seams come together. We also didn't get to finish the detail painting. We didn't finish trim out the corners because we ran out of time (read that: Moob got her panties in a bunch and wigged out and was pushing for us to get things "functional"...her words, not mine). In the smaller room, Sulla went ALL OUT. Mungo Hamwich is a HUGE Seahawks fan. He plays junior football, even. So, Sulla decided to do a Seahawks theme: Seahawks blue paint on the trim, green paint on the outlet covers, a jersy-style door in which Mungo's name was at the top and the number 12 (signifying the 12th man on the team...it's a Seattle thing!) in the middle of the door. It looked AWESOME! However, after the blowup with Moob, she blogged a rant stating that because Sulla f@$%ed her drawings, Mungo HATED his room. We found out later, from Mungo himself, that he really liked the room.

Ok, I'm not going to spend a LOT of time responding to Moob's rant on her blog because it's really not worth my time and energy. I will say this: I do feel bad for Moob. She has become so bitter with her own life and with the person she has allowed herself to become, that the only way she can feel less miserable is to project the things she hates about herself onto other people, then blast them. And, while I do believe that when she gave her life to Christ, it was real. However, at some time, she allowed herself to be influenced by the lure of her past life. She began going down south and hanging out with her old friends, drinking, dancing and partying. She even decided to spend Mother's day down south instead of here...with her mother...and her daughter. Millyra preferred to spend Mother's day up here, with me, going to church, than with her mother.

Ok, I said I wouldn't spend a LOT of time responding, so, that's it. That's the last I'm going to say about the whole situation. If anyone wants to know the truth, they can email me and I'd be glad to answer any questions. But, I'm not going to blast anyone in this blog. That's not what it's for.

In other news, Sulla and I are considering buying a house together. We do well living together and, when we're both making full time incomes, we can really afford it. We have developed a knack and love for home improvement. Right now, we're getting ready to paint mom and dad's house, renovate the yard and clean up the inside of the house. If we buy a fixer-upper (not too much of a fixer), we can fix it up and rent it out if/when we decide to go our separate ways, keeping it as an asset. That would be VERY cool!

Well, I think that's pretty much all I have to say right now. I'm getting tired and I need to get up and start cleaning. The kitchen is a MESS right now! It'll get done by the end of the week, though.

G'nite!

Day One-Hundred-Two...Peeved

So, the old story goes:

~ Boy meets girl.
~ Girl gets to know boy a little.
~ Girl seems to get along well with boy.
~ Boy seems to look past much of the "negative" things about girl.
~ Girl is pleased.
~ Girl keeps talking with boy about many things.
~ Boy and girl seem to have much in common.
~ Boy mentions that girl's size is not a dealbreaker.
~ Girl makes fatal mistake of mentioning her dealbreakers.
~ Boy then becomes shark-faced jerk and tells girl that "the deal has been broken".
~ Girl confronts boy about mean and rude comments.
~ Boy gets meaner and meaner.
~ Girl is glad boy doesn't know where she lives.
~ Boy respones in a mean-spirited tone, saying he is just indifferent.
~ Girl explains that is no reason for being mean.
~ Girl tries to tell boy that her feelings were hurt.
~ Boy doesn't give a rip.
~ Boy goes into a sob story about being kicked out of the home he has shared with his brother for the last 16 years, and that girl and boy "not working out" is the least of his worries right now.
~ Girl, again, reminds him that is no excuse for being mean.
~ Boy laughs at girl.
~ Girls feeings are hurt even deeper.
~ Boy seemed like a nice guy...even complementing girl on her smile and making her feel good about herself.
~ Boy, was girl wrong!
~ Boy told girl to leave him alone.
~ Girl reminded boy that he was the one that initiated conversation, not girl.
~ Girl told boy that if he would stop writing, trying to defend his rude behavior, girl would have nothing to bother him about.
~ Boy said, "Ok, seriously...stop writing to me".
~ Girl blocked him.
~ Girl is really fed up with boys starting out seeming like gentlemen and turning into jerks.
~ Girl was really surprised, and excited, to get to know someone who really saw beyond all her imperfections.
~ Girl even told brother about boy and how good she felt about getting to know boy.
~ Girl shouldn't be this sad over it. After all, girl only knew boy through MySpace and for only a few days.
~ Girl, still, is sad.
~ Girls feelings are hurt.
~ Girl is doubting herself again.
~ Girl had stopped "looking" for a mate and boy just popped into her inbox.
~ Girl hadn't been on a dating site for months!
~ Girl was starting to be content with where she was.
~ Girl has gone back to school.
~ Girl is a nanny.
~ Girl was just coming to the point where it was OK to be where she was.
~ Boy really put a ripple in that pond.
~ Girl now has a date with Roomie to go dancing with new boys.
~ Girl, right now, doesn't care what boys they are.
~ Girl just wants to have some fun for a change.
~ Girl just wants to be Girl for now.
~ Girl wants to love, be loved, be in love, sure, but girl also wants to have a bit of fun before she's too old to have any.
~ Girl is losing hope.
~ Girl is very emotional right now.
~ Girl is starting to wonder what will become of her. Will she end up a "cat lady" with no cats?
~ Girl doesn't particularly like cats as pets.
~ Girl doesn't want to end up old and alone.
~ Girl wants to have a husband and children.
~ Girl isn't sure that's really ever going to happen.
~ Girl really is just stupid for being this upset over boy...especially since girl hardly knew boy.
~ Girl is just dumb.
~ Girl needs to get a life.
~ Girl needs to get out and meet people.
~ Girl is going with Roomie down south in a few weeks to have a blast...hopefully.
~ Boy has no idea how much words can cut deeply.
~ Girl feels really bad right now.
~ Girl is going to go to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling better.

Day One-Hundred-One...I Fell Asleep!

I've been quite tired the last few weeks with the remodeling going on. Then, last night, Moob and Orangeblossom came home just as I was going to head to bed. Well, we hadn't talked all day, so I thought I'd stay up a little and catch up with them. An hour-and-a-half later, I finally went to bed...about 12:30. Mind you, that would be fine if I were on summer break. Wait, I AM on summer break, but I'm working. I get to hang out with Iris Burrows this summer! She's totally awesome, but that's another post.

So, I had to get up at 6:30 so I could be to Iris's house by 7:30 or so to get her to a class. I did. Her class is an hour long. I went up to the parking lot of QFC and started reading. I set my alarm to go off at 8:45 so I'd have 15 minutes to get back and pick her up. Well...I fell asleep reading Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway. It's a hard book to follow, so it took a LOT of brain power. So, like I said, I fell asleep.

Needless to say, I over slept! I woke myself up at 9:30! I was 30 minutes late getting Iris at school! ARGH! Fortunately, she had somewhere safe to stay. We now have each others cell numbers if something happens again. I pray it won't, but just in case!

So, tonight, I'm going to bed early! I need to catch up on my ZZZ's!

Day One Hundred...And Then, Rejected

So, I lost my job. Three and a half days before the end of the year. I stayed home several times due to genuine migraines and didn't get my doctor's notes in on time, so the HR woman fired me.

I was having fun...

Sigh...

At least I have the Nanny job for the summer. And, possibly some student loans I can live on.

We'll see...

Shreck...

...THE MUSICAL! Yes, I just heard about it! It's coming to the Seattle 5th ave theater in August! I may have to take Millyra and Iris Burrows.

That'd be hilarious!

Day Niney-Nine...I Got Accepted!

I'm going back to school! Yes, yes I am! I'm getting a second BA in English, as well as my endorsement in English/Language Arts. So, hopefully, I'll be starting classes on June 23rd. Maybe. I was admitted on a "late admit", so I'm not sure if I'll start on the first day or not. I hope I do.

I'm hoping to take 2 classes on campus, and one online. The online will be Spanish. It's an immersion class. It'll be cool! The on-campus classes will be American Literature: Contemporary America and Special Studies in Literature: The Perils of Presence.

In the fall, I should be taking a full load in the evenings...I havent' quite figured out which ones I'm going to take. I have the option to take the following classes:

COMM 340 History of Mass Communication
COMM 201 Introduction to Communication I
COMM 202 Introduction to Communication II
ENGL 302 Critical Practice
ENGL 333 English Novel - Early and Middle 19t Century
ENGL 330 English Literature - The Romantic Age
ENGL 352 American Literature - The Early Nation
ENGL 353 American Literature - Later Nineteenth Century

For the Winter and Spring, I have the choice of the following classes:

Intro to Linguistic Thought
American Literatyre - The Colonial Period
American Literature - Later Nineteenth Century
Women Writers
The Composition Process
Reading Major Texts
Traditions in American Fiction
Rise of the English Novel
Early Novel: Early and Middle 19th Century
American Literatyre - Contemporary America
History of Film: 1960 - Present
Senior Seminar
Elementary Spanish II

I only have to take a total of 45 credits. So, that means with the 15 credits I'm taking, I only have to be in school for 3 quarters, meaning I'll graduate in Winter of 2008.

But, I may just continue through Spring and get a few extra credits. We'll see. I do want to take 2 years of Spanish. That would be very cool...

Day Ninety-Eight...I Can Get Cable!

Ok, so I already have cable, but the title is in reference to a commercial that was on several years ago in which a girl gets a phone call from an employer offering her a job. While the employer is describing the job and benefits, you hear the girl's inner-voice saying "I got the job, I got the job! Who got the job? I got the job! I can move out of my parents' house. I can get a cat. Awww...I can get cable!"

So...

I got the job! I got the job! Who got the job? I got the job! The Nanny job for the summer, that is! I have yet to hear about the teaching jobs. And, while I don't live with my parents, I don't want a cat and I already have cable, I can do some things with the extra money I'll be earning...like get out of debt, have my truck serviced and the AC fixed, and get my teaching certificate replaced and add my Deaf-Ed endorsement added at the same time. I'll be MUCH better off this way.

And, I just made my first play-date! My girlfriend has a membership to the zoo! She can get herself, her 4 year old and 1 other child in for free. Everyone else is half-price! I'm so excited. It'll be like being a real mom...only I get paid!

Hmmm...gotta make more names...brb

~ Iris Burrows...that is my summer charge.
~ Rosie-Posie Bramble of Willowbottom: my girlfriend from down south who is moving up north.
~ Peony Brockhouse of Loamsdown: Rosie-Posie's daughter.

Ok, so Rosie-Posie Bramble has the zoo membership. She can get Iris Burrows, Peony Brockhouse and herself in for free. Then if Moob agrees, I could get Millyra in for half price and myself for half price. That'd be WAY cool! Take a backpack with lunches, walk the zoo, eat, walk the rest of the zoo! How cool would that be!

In other news, I went back to the podiatrist. On July 1, I get custom made orthodics for my shoes. I have fallen arches in both feet, as well as tendonitis. I mentioned it earlier. My doctor also said that, although this issue happens to skinny people, too, if I lost a significant amount of weight, it would be very beneficial. I told him I was thinking about LapBand surgery and he totally agreed that I should explore that as an option. He even offered to write a letter of support and medical necessity. That should be transcribed and mailed to my house this week.

And, speaking of LapBand, my family and I are going to an informational meeting tomorrow evening to find more out about the procedure, etc. It should be interesting. I'll have to look again, but I believe that according to the surgical center's website, my insurance has historically paid for some or all of the procedure. If that's the case, I am SO jumping on that. I don't care if others think it's a crutch, a cop-out, the "easy way out", a temporary fix, the cheater's way, or any other negative perspective. I've tried and tried and tried to lose weight, but can't seem to get it under control. I told Moob the other day I've been on Weight Watchers about 6 times since I was 15 and lost 50 pounds about 10 times. So, I think this will be a good thing for me.

Well, I think that's all for now. Its already nearly 2 hours past my bedtime. Who knew at 32, I'd have a bed time...and it would be early! Heh!

Day Ninety-Seven...I Can't Sleep!

So, I thought I'd write down some of the things on my mind so hopefully I'll get tired and go to sleep...sincei have to be up at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow for work!

1) I have an interview for a summer Nanny/Companion/Tutor job about 15 minutes away from my house. It will be for an 11-year old girl who loves swimming. tennis, horse-back riding and other activities. In fact, the family owns horses that they board up north. Part of my job will be to drive her there a few days a week to ride. She's also dyslexic. She has school during the summer for about an hour, and also some reading homework to do so she doesn't regress (lose the progress she's made already), but other than that, it's an open day for her. It will be perfect for both of us. I may even be able to take Millyra with me and the two of them can play together...or we can all go to the zoo or aquarium or park or...wherever Millyra has come up with for our "to-do" list!

So, I'm meeting with the mother and daughter...and possibly her father...tomorrow at 6. I'm not at all nervous...except for when they see my size. Many people assume that because I'm fat, I'm not active. I am active as muc as I can be. And, since I've gotten my sleeping more under control, I have a LOT more energy to do things. Ayway, that's kinda concerning me. I did tell her I was overweight, but I belonged to the Y and am trying to lose some weight.

2) I only have 2 more weeks of school left. I have Monday through Friday of this week, then Monday through half of Friday next week. Then it's SUMMER BREAK! I'm so excited! And, even though I have to work, I get to choose the job because I get my salary through August.

3) I sent a thank-you card to the princpal with whom I interviewed last week...for the ASL job. I really want to stand out.

4) The second ASL job closes tomorrow. It's also a .8 FTE at a different high school. I would take that one if they offered it to me.

5) I REALLY want the DHH job. I've been "obsessing" about it since the day I saw it posted. It's hard to not get my hopes up...I'm a realist, but I'm also full of self-doubt when it comes to my abilities.

6) I'm really concerned about Dilibririth. I've been researching the Lap Band weight loss surgery. I have her almost convinved to do it. We're actually all going to an informational seminar on Tuesday to learn more about it.

7) I'm kinda hungry...

8) I'm getting sleepy...

9) Veeeeeeeery sleepy...

10) G'nite!

Day Ninety-Six...The Chance of a Lifetime

So, as some of you know, I've been trying to get into a teaching job at a specific district here in the area. In fact, it's the same district in which I attended 4th through 12th grade. I graduated from this district and would LOVE...translation - it is my DREAM GOAL - to teach in the same district. What an amazing story...to come full-circle like that! Anyway, tomorrow I have my first opportunity. I'm interviewing for an ASL position at my former high school. Now wouldn't THAT be cool! I'd be teaching alongside some of my former teachers! What a trip! *Squeaking with delight* Yes, tomorrow I have an interview at 9am. And you wonder why I'm still up, not fast asleep? Because I'm SO nervous. I've had such crappy experiences thus far, I don't have the tools I need to be confident and to assert that I AM a good teacher. My track record says I'm not all that good. And sure, I'm not all that experienced, but I am good at what I do. I haven't gotten that one great opportunity to show what I can do without bashing my head into the wall.

Sigh...

So, I hope this is my foot in the door. It's only a .8 FTE (80% of a full time employee), but because of my masters degree and my experience, I am not starting out at base salary. So, I can survive quite well on 80% of my starting salary. In fact, I'll be making about $500 more a month than I'm making now.

And, if THIS position isn't my foot in the door, then I have 2 other opportunities. There's another .8 ASL position at another high school. I'd like that one, too. It's not quite as nice as my high school, but at least it's in the district.

But...

The one I REALLY want...

Is the full-time Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing teacher at the K-8 school where I did my internship in 2005. I would LOVE that job. I already know the principal, the program, the program manager, the students, the other teachers, the Interpreters, and the school...it would be a PERFECT FIT! Ultimately, that's where I want to work.

Sigh...

That job closes on June 11, I think. I'm going to mail a letter to the principal there and let her know I'm very interested. I'll do some name-dropping and see where it gets me.

Sigh...

In other news...

I'm going to Monmouth, OR on Saturday. I have a workshop I'm going to attend. It's about Assessment Tools in the ASL classroom. It'll be VERY informative. I'm also going to a 3-day workshop in the south-end in August. That'll be a thorough training on how to use the Master ASL curriculum. It's free to me because I'm part of the ASL Consortium. I'm working on getting my curriculum approved so that the students who earn a B or better in my high school class can get college credit to satisfy foreign language requirements or pre-req classes if they want to go into a Deafness-related career. Anyway, these 2 conferences/workshops should help me plan for next year, provided I get either of the ASL jobs.

So, right now, my career is very up-in-the-air feeling right now. I have paychecks through August and benefits through September, but after that...

Sigh...

I'll keep y'all posted!

Too Funny!

Day Ninety-Five...An Interview

I've been trying to get on as a teacher a certain school district since I graduated in 2005. I even got my my masters degree in order to teach in the DHH program there. Well, that possibility is finally here. I have an interview with them for an ASL position on Thursday, June 5th at 9 am.

I REALLY want this job! But, as I've always said, I want what God wants more. So, if it's His will for me is to have it, GREAT! If not, yes, I'll be sad, but, I'll be content because I know He has something greater for me.

Sigh...

I still want it VERY, VERY VVVVVVEEEEERRRRYYYY much!

The Definition of Atheism:

The belief that there was

nothing

and

nothing

happened to

nothing

and then

nothing

magically exploded

for no reason,

creating

everything

and then a bunch of

everything

magically rearranged itself,

for no reason whatsoever,

into self-replicating bits which then turned into

dinosaurs.

Makes     PERFECT     sense.

Day Ninety-Five...Back to Work Tomorrow

So, here's the update on my job situation. I had my meeting with HR and my union rep last Monday. The principal didn't want me back. That stung. But, I did hear from my department head that he never wanted an ASL program at the high school in the first place. Figures. But, the district wanted to honor the contract we had, so the HR woman said I would be working with a current district teacher in a self-contained special education classroom. That way, I would still get my salary (just a little less than my normal salary because of all the unpaid time off) through the end of August and benefits through the end of September. Well, I was SUPPOSED to hear from her last week Tuesday afternoon. She was SUPPOSED to find a job for me for last week Wednesday. She didn't. I had to cancel substitute jobs for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday because she told me I would go back to work on Wednesday. I didn't.

I heard from her today. I'm going to a middle school in north Renton. Which is OK with me. I won't get off as early as I did at the high school, but not as late as the elementary schools. So, I start tomorrow at 10am. I meet with the principal at the school at 10am. Then, I imagine I start working that day. Maybe, I'll just meet the principal and the teacher, get to see the kids and then start working on Thursday. That'd be cool.

On the home front, I've been sleeping with my mask now for about a week and I can definitely tell a difference. I have WAY the heck more energy than I've EVER had. In fact, I got up the other day and worked for about 3 hours with Grey Cloak in the new bedrooms, taping and mudding. I've NEVER done that before. I give out after about 30 minutes because I'm JUST exhausted. It's been hard to just get up and go to work every day. Now, I'm actually excited to go back to work and see how much more I can accomplish with the new energy.

Speaking of the new bedrooms, we're almost done. The walls are up. The floor is down. The windows are in. Nearly all the seams have been taped and mudded. Moob and I are planning to finish up the taping and mudding this week so we can sand and texture this weekend. Then, once the texturing is done and dried (about 2-3 days), we can paint. Once that is dried, we can lay the carpet and move Olorin downstairs. Then, we can paint the upstairs room that Olorin was in so Moob can move in there. Then, we can paint Moob's old room so the new roomie can move in.

Hmmm...I have to give her and her son names.

Brb...

Orangeblossom Bulge of Great Smials (new roomie)

and

Mungo Hamwich of Buckleberry Fern (new roomie's son)

Fitting...for both of them! Hee hee!

Ok, so once Orangeblossom and Mungo move in, we'll have 4 adults, 2 kids, 1 kid-to-be, 3 dogs, 2 cats and 2 turtles. Whew! That's a houseful! But, it'll be SO much fun!

More Fun Stuff

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
(father & mother's middle name)

Michael Joyce

2. NASCAR NAME:
(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)

Melvin Willard

3. STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)

WheJe

4. DETECTIVE NAME:
(favorite color, favorite animal)

Purple Jaguar

5. SOAP OPERA NAME:
(middle name, county where you were born)

Michelle Seattle

6. SUPERHERO NAME:
(2nd favorite color, favorite drink, add 'THE' to the beginning)

The Blue Macchiatto

7. FLY NAME:
(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 3 letters of your last name)

JeWhe

8. GANGSTA NAME:
(favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)

Reeses Chocolate Chip

9. ROCK STAR NAME:
(current pet's name, current street name)

Cheyenne Washington

10. STRIPPER NAME:
(name of your favorite perfume/cologne, favorite candy)

Velocity Riesen

What We Gonna Do Tonight, Brain?

This one's for DAN!

Day Ninety-Four...The Result

Ok, so I didn't sleep very well last night. I kept waking up with my mask vibrating against my face. I had to adjust it several times during the night, so, I didn't wake up feeling all that rested. I did notice a few differences, though:

1) When I did sleep, I slept well. I remember having a couple dreams, too. That usually doesn't happen!

2) When I got up at 5:30 to pee, I wasn't just exhausted, even after only 6 hours of sleep. If I had wanted to, I could have stayed up and had a very full day.

3) When I got in the shower, I didn't want to go back to sleep. Usually, once the water hits me, I have to force myself to stay moving so I stay awake.

4) Although I was tired today from shopping and being on my feet too long, I didn't have that exhaustion I usually feel. Yes, I'm tired, but it's midnight...I SHOULD be tired!

So far, that's it. So, although it's no magic pill, I really believe that after I get the kinks worked out, once I'm accustomed to wearing the mask and sleeping in new positions to not make the mask fart, it will really help.

Luuuuuuuuuke...

Today, I got my CPAP machine. For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea. That means that I stop breathing for 10 seconds or more several times a night. Now, everyone hold your breath for 10 seconds. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10. And breathe. Ok, not so bad. You could probably go longer. And be just fine. But suppose I woke you up several times during the night to do that. Say, over 200 times to be exact. You'd never get any sleep. Well, that's what happens to be. I don't necessarily fully wake up to hold my breath, but my sleep is disturbed over 200 times...and that was just in the 6 hour test period. In a normal 8 hour period of sleep, I don't breathe for a minimum of 50 minutes. Basically, I fall asleep, hod my breath, wake up enough to breathe, fall back to sleep, wait 45 seconds, hold my breath again, wake up to breathe, fall back to sleep and do it all over again...200 times. I'm sorry I keep emphasizing that but, WOW, that's a LOT of times. It's no wonder I'm exhausted all the time!

So, fast forward to today. I got my breathing machine. In fact, I'm lying here in bed with a mask on my face that totally makes me feel like Darth Vader! Lol! It's kinda weird, but at the same time, I have mentally prepared myself to sleep with it. And, really, the only problem I foresee is learning not to roll over without adjusting my hose. Well, that and making out in bed, but we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. That's not an IMMEDIATE concern! Hee hee!

So, tonight is the first night I'll have this mask. If I'm like most people, I'll feel better right away. Not 100% better, but improved. If I'm like my dad, it'll take a while to notice a difference. This is the one thing I HOPE and PRAY he DIDN'T pass on to me. We'll see how I feel in the morning.

Day Ninety-Four...Still Employed (Kinda)

Well, I met with the HR woman, the Employee Relations woman and my union rep (who is JUST AMAZING! She's awesome!) today about my job. Just a snapshot, I was off for Spring Break the 1st week of April, then I got sick the 2nd, 3rd and 4th week of April. I had BAD bronchitis, on the verge of pneumonia. I was literally on bedrest for 3 weeks. My doctor finally released me back to work on April 28th. Well, I got notice that I was put on administrative leave, pending their findings on a few "issues" they had with me and my classroom management. For more info on those things, keep reading my other posts. Anyway, i met with the HR woman, the Employee Relations woman, my union rep and the principal and they threw some things at me, let me "respond"...my responses were very orchestrated...like in court when the lawyer asks a question that is a yes/no question, but the witness/defendant attempts to explain themselves and the lawyer cuts them off or questions them in such a way as to make them look bad. That's what it felt like anyway.

Fast forward to today. I met with those above...except the principal. But the principal didn't want me back at the high school. He, through the Employee Relations woman, said that there was not enough time between now and the end of the year to fix the issues. He said that there were many students, specifically my seniors, who were still very concerned about graduating because they didn't get any feedback and/or grades. He said that he found my files with their graded and returned papers, but that there were several papers with "good job" but no feed back or grades. Well, duh! Those are the papers that if you did them, you got credit and if you didn't you didn't. It wasn't a graded assignment.

He also didn't think that there was enough time to train me to improve my classroom management skills for secondary classrooms. (uh, sir,...it's the STUDENTS! NOT THE TEACHER!)

However, despite the fact that the principal didn't want me back, the district decided they would honor the contract. But, I will not be back teaching ASL at the high school. Instead, I will be a Teaching Assistant in a self-contained Special Education classroom. I will still get my teacher's salary...and will be paid through the end of August. In addition, I will continue with my benefits through the end of September, which is long enough for me to secure another teaching job and continue my benefits elsewhere. And, because I was sick for 3 weeks, rather than taking ALL of that out of my May 30 paycheck, the payroll department and the HR department re-calculated my contract so that the "sting" will be spread out through the next 4 months. Meaning, I will get a little less than my usual teaching salary each month, but it will be a consistent amount at the end of May, June, July and August. So, financially, I will be OK. Especially if I get the job for which I interviewed down in Vancouver.

And, I don't have to work this summer. I CAN work, but I don't HAVE to work. I might work part time...it depends. I just want to get through the end of the year right now. I have 5 weeks left until the last day of school. I can do it. And, this rearranging of my contract is a blessing. I can go to work, come home and not have to worry about lesson plans. I don't have to worry about being prepared as much as I would have with my previous assignment. It's quite relieving not having to worry about it. I will have to clear out my classroom of my personal belongings, but I'm going to do that on Thursday at 2:30...after students are gone. I get to bring my chair home! It's kinda cool!

Anyway, now I can go camping and not have to worry about taking time off a new job. YAY! I won't be able to go to Joyce Meyer with Moob on the 30th, but a small sacrifice for the bigger picture. As much as I would LOVE to go, I just can't.

So, that's the story in a nutshell. God has shown me grace and mercy in this situation and I have to be SO much more responsible. I can't stay home on too many "mental health" days. I can't blow my money with the idea that I'll get another paycheck at the end of the month. I can't spend any money until I know all of my bills are taken care of. I can't eat out. I can't just throw money away.

I hope that this situation won't ruin my chances of getting a teaching job for next year.

On a different note, I've applied to the University of Washington for Summer Quarter. I have been thinking (for quite some time) of going back to college and getting 1 more endorsement: English/Language Arts. It would open up so many more options for me. I could teach middle or high school English in addition to Elementary School, Special Ed and Deaf Ed. So, I would have 4 endorsements, plus subbing I could do. I was initially just going to pursue the additional endorsement...until I found out that as a non-matriculated student (that's the fancy way of saying I'm not pursuing an actual degree), I wouldn't qualify for federal financial aid. So.......I looked into what it would take as far as time and credits to complete another degree. I was thinking of a Masters in English, but I thought, nah, I already have a Masters degree. It was quite intense work. So, I looked into a Bachelors in English. If I can transfer all of my credits from the community college under the Direct Transfer Agreement or something like it, I should be able to JUST concentrate on the classes for my major. I can incorporate the courses I need for the endorsement AND the degree. So...I should come out WAY ahead. Now, I just have to figure out how to pay for it. Hopefully, I'll qualify for financial aid OTHER than loans. If not, I may not do it.

Sigh...

Going to make a box for a birthday gift.

Late...

It's now 11:02 and I'm still in the waiting room.

Sigh...

Truth Time...

I have an appointment at 11:00 with HR and my Principal and my Union Rep to see if I still have a job. I'm waiting in the waiting area in the district office.

I'm not nervous at all. Whatever happens, happens and I know I'll be alright. Either way, God will take care of me and those who depend on me.

Day Ninety-Three...Many Things On My Mind

1) Tomorrow, the 14th, Millyra goes away to 5th grade camp for 3 days. I'm a little weirded out by my feelings about it. She's not my birth child, but...I'm feeling a little weird about not havng her around for 3 days. I'm already thinking about her coming home with wonderful stories. I miss her already...and she's not even gone yet! Strange!

2) I still haven't heard from the district about my job. It's been a week and a half since I was given the all-clear by my doctor to return to work. The district seems to be dragging their feet. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the fact that I'm on paid leave. But, my kids, unless they've found a sub who knows ASL, are missing out on their education.

3) I had an interview today at a private school for the deaf near my home (about 25 minutes south of where I live). It was an awkward interview. Well, actually, the interview went VERY well. It's for a Teacher of the Deaf position, but it's in a Signed Exact English program, whereas most my my adult experience and education is from an ASL program. So, part of me felt like a "traitor to the cause", but the majorty of me felt good about the possibilities it opens for me. It will allow me to work with professionals in the field. It will allow me to gain another year experience. It's a paycheck! And, the school is small enough that the administration are deeply involved in th3e classrooms...I like that. They'd like to make a decision by the end of this month.

4) Moob and I worked out for 75 minutes today. We rode 15 minutes on the stationary bike, walked 30 minutes on the treadmill, and did the weight circuit for 30 minutes. I don't hurt, but by ab muscles are a little unhappy with me.

5) I suck at managing my money. First, I mixed up the bank cards between my personal account and the household account, so I spent my $75 of grocery money on mother's day gifts and last minute ingredients for dinner. Second, I've been off work for going on 5 weeks, 3 of which were unpaid. I'm not sure, but I think I'll have a VERY tiny paycheck at the end of this month. I don't know if I'll have enough to pay my rent. I can call payroll tomorrow and find out. I MIGHT get the economic stimulus payment on Friday, but I don't know if I qualify for sure. If I get it, that will be a minimum of $300. I hope I get the $600.

6) I ran over someone's chihuahua today. On my way to the interview, I was on the highway, cruising at about 45 miles an hour with lots of traffic, when, literally out of no-where, this little chihuahua comes BOLTING onto the highway. I had seconds to react. I slammed on my breaks in an effort to avoid him, but looked back and realized the dude behind me was going to hit me. I couldn't afford that (though I'm insured, I can't be without a vehicle for work...when I go back). So, I let off the break and swerved my best to avoid a hit from both ends...but the dog was running at an angle. I busted right over him...it made me sick. It still makes me sick...

7) I should be in bed sleeping right now (1:15 am), but, of course, I can't sleep. I could have been in bed by 9 or so...well, even when Moob went to bed (11:00), I could have gone at the same time. But, instead, I watched a little TV, came up to bed and have been laying here for an hour. I'm tired, but every time I close my eyes, my mind starts to race.

8) Moob and I are scheduled to work out again tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it on one hand. But on the other (I'm still awake at 1:15 in the morning) hand, I'm dreading it. Maybe we can go later in the day...that might help.

9) I've applied for Financial Aid with the government. I submitted my FAFSA yesterday and it was processed today. My Expected Family Contribution is $0.00! That's awesome! Now, I just have to figure out how to apply for aid through the college. Generally, non-matriculated (not pursuing a degree) students don't get financial aid. So, I have an email in to the financial aid office. The deadline for summer application is May 15, so...

10) I think I'm done...

Day Ninety-Two...

Day Ninety-One...Mother's Day

I'm so thankful for my mom. We've grown so close over the last several years...we're AMAZING friends. It's been fun watching our relationship go from parent:child to woman:woman. We can confide anything to each other...and do! I'm so blessed...

So, for mother's day, I cooked dinner. I had a london broil marinading overnight. It was SO yummy! The marinade was from www.allrecipes.com...my new favorite cooking website. Anyway, the marinade was vegetable oil, balsamic vinegar, worcesterchire sauce, soy sauce, lemon juice, thyme, basil, oregano and dijon mustard. By the time I whisked everything together, it came out about the consistency of brown gravy. I put the meat in 2 zipper bags with the marinade, then put the bags in the fridge overnight. Man, oh, man, was that yummy! The only thing I did "wrong" (according the Sulla, our resident trained chef) was throwing the marinade out and not reducing it to make a sauce to go over the beef. However, he said it was perfect!

Then, for side dishes, I made baked fanned potatoes. I cut the potatoes about every 1/4 inch or so, but not all the way through. I used 2 of my wooden spoons as a knife guide. Then I fanned them out on a baking sheet. I sprinkled them with italian seasoning, sea salt and melted butter. Then, I baked them at 450 degrees for 50 minutes. Then, while the recipe called for cheddar, I added mozzarella, parmesan and parsley, sprinkling that mixture and finishing the baking process for another 15 minutes. A culinary masterpiece with a dollop of sour cream. Again, Sulla said they were perfect.

For veggies, we had a typical salad. I also cooked carrots and pearl onions in the frozen section with which I lightly tossed butter, lemon juice, salt and dill. Mmm...mmm...grubbin'!

I also cooked biscuits...just plain 'ol biscuits...directly from the can. Heh!

Finally, for dessert, I must confess. I made 2 desserts because I am so indecisive. It hurst my brain to decide what undies I'm going to wear with an outfit! So, I choose a peanut butter bar and a "7-layer" bar that actually only had 5 layers...hmmm...

And, again, Sulla, the trained, experienced expert in the field, told me everything was BRILLIANT! Oh, he didn't actually say it...but he MEANT it!

And Dilibririth, my mommy, loved it!

She gave me the best compliment. She saod, "You have become such a good cook". Now, I've never had confidence flowing out my pores, so to hear that my whole family, including the one who is trained to do things like this, approved...even said it was PERFECT!

Then came the coffee. Dilibririth and I had some coffee after dinner, and after the boys left and the dishes were done,to settle our tummies. It was quite good.

Also, today was a day I felt validated...

I've wanted to have children for a LONG time. Well, this morning, my pastor wanted to honor all mothers in the room. He made all of us women who were 21 and older stand up because, "[you] may not have any birth children, but [you're] mothering someone."

Wow...what a way to have your feelings acknowledged and validated. I got a flower and a chocolate bar for mother's day!