Day Twenty-Nine...Back from Retreat

This last weekend, I went on a retreat with some of the ladies from my church. It was a good weekend. I've been struggling with feeling like I belong...anywhere...and I was really confronted by God about belonging to anything. Through my girlfriend, He told me "it doesn't matter WHERE you belong because you belong to ME!" That should be enough. But, is it enough? The thing I struggle with the most is the fact that God has promised me certain things and it seems like those things aren't going to come to pass. I'm struggling with believing God wants the good things He's promised me to actually happen. I'm struggling with being "God's favorite". I know God loves me...I'm just not sure He likes me! And, I say that (sort of) in jest because God is God and He loves whole-heartedly. There was a time that I knew my parents loved me, but I was SURE they didn't like me very much. That isn't the case now, but there was a time. I am struggling with the same vision of God. So many times I've been told/promised/guaranteed something and it falls through. So many times I've felt that if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. So many times I've felt great about something only to have it come back and sour in my face. So many times I've believed in so many things only to have those things blow up in my face. My heart is becoming hardened toward living in faith. It's becoming harder and harder to believe...not that I don't believe in Jesus Christ as my personal savior, that He was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin, died on a cross for my sins and God raised Him from the dead and He sits at the right hand of the Father, making intercession for me. I believe that with all my heart. I'm strugging with believing that God wants the best for me...I struggle with "abundant life". I guess I struggle with Grace...unmerited favor...