Sunday, September 30, 2007

Day Twenty-One...A Change

Well, I've gone to the dark side. No, I don't mean the rebellion, but I do mean dark! I decided I needed a change of appearance to go with my change of employment status. Like I said, I quit my job and am subbing now. Well, I am on the sub list with 3 districts, but I have yet to sub. It's a little frustrating, but I know God will provide. He always has. Anyway, I colored my hair. It's called "Medium Natural Brown". It actually matches my eyebrows! It looks pretty good, I might add!

So, at FPU, we are required to budget our money for the month before we spend it. Well, I have no money and no guaranteed income, so I decided to create 2 budgets. I made on based on my income if I work every possible day during the month, budgeted all of that and it's totally do-able. Then, I budgeted what I ACTUALLY have. Right now, I don't even have enough to pay my portion of the rent, let alone utilities, my phone bill, any of my debtors and my student loans. So, I really am broke. And, I have nothing coming in until the end of November except for the money I make between now and October 10th...which at the rate I'm going, won't be all that much. So, I'm going to have to borrow money from my parents until I get going on my subbing. I am so thankful to have parents who are able and willing to help me through my hard times. Without them, I'd be SOL...and so would my housemates. But, I've been blessed with parents who are able to help me out...and guide me through what to do for the future.

I've decided, through studying at FPU, I'm going to cut up my credit cards. I am going to live debt free. I used to think that having credit cards would give me the freedom I wanted to buy what I wanted when I wanted. And, for a time, it did. But, now I'm sitting under all this debt...which is small compared to some of my peers...and nothing to show for it. I'm also paying for a computer through Dell that I'm unable to use right now (it got dropped and the LCD screen is busted) and I've decided I'm done living in debt. I'm really nervous about beginning to pay off my student loans. But, I think that through the financial system FPU teaches, I'll be just fine. I'm still thinking about consolidating all my loans into 1 loan so I have 1 payment to 1 company at a lower interest rate. We'll see...

Oh, and Moob volunteered herself and me to be involved with the skits at our ladies retreat in a few weeks. We have to come up with an outfit that fits the names we were given. It's the EOBC 2007 Fall Fashion Show. It'll be so much fun! I LOVE acting!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Day Twenty...A Week Off

So, while I've enjoyed having this last week off, I'm ready to get back to work. I had 2 sub jobs for this week but both cancelled last minute. Like I said, I enjoy not working (who wouldn't?), but at the same time, I quit my other job so I could work somewhere else. That has yet to happen!

I applied for unenjoyment (as Moob calls it!) because I had to quit my job for my health. We'll see how THAT goes!

Not much more to talk about. Today's been kinda a slow day. I printed all my articles, organized them into a folder, highlighted the key info, and now I have good direction for my paper. It feels good to be much closer to the end. I'm actually changing the title of my paper from "The Role of Sign Language Interpreters in the Education of Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing Students" to "I Have a Deaf Student In My Class? What Do I Do Now?". It's a bit broader subject, but will be focused on the role of Sign Language Interpreters in the classroom. It will also help me present my material to teachers/staff/parents when I get to the DHH program in which I will work...eventually...I hope!

Oh, and I get my truck back tomorrow! Not that anyone has had it, but I had to stop driving it. I took it from Star to Twin Falls Idaho about 18 months ago and it started acting up. When I drove it home to Washington, it seemed fine, but around September, it started again. So, Dad put a new fuel filter in and it seemed to be working fine, but then my tabs expired in December of last year. So...I had to get a Washington title before I could get new tabs. Well, cuz I'm so well organized, I lost my original title. So, I called Idaho DOT. They said there was still a lien on it from the loan company from which I borrowed to pay my RENT in Idaho. Well, I knew I had the title and the release, but I didn't know where. So, I had to get the loan company to fax a lien release to the state, then get the state to issue me a new title. That took FOREVER! I finally got it a few months ago. But, my truck has been parked at my parents' house since December of 2006...waiting for me...patiently...like a good little truck! So...I have to go tomorrow to get a 3-day pass from DOL, drop Millyra off at a birthday party, go to my parents' house, get my truck, gas it up with "the good gas", run it around town to get all the cobwebs out, then have it pass emissions (please, God, let it pass emissions!) so I can get my title transferred and new license plates and tabs. I hope that will all happen tomorrow! If it doesn't pass emissions, I'll have to make an appointment at Andy's Auto to have it fixed (or if not fixed, then enough to have them sign the waiver so I can get my tabs anyway) and I'll have to wait until it's fixed, have it emission tested again, THEN get my tabs.

And, Delibririth, Olorion, Millyra and I are all going to WalMart in Marysville to do grocery shopping tomorrow! I LOVE shopping for groceries. It's fun to take a set amount of money and see how much food we can get with that. My dad and I made it a game when I was younger...we didn't have a bunch of money so we'd get cash and get as MUCH food for as close to our budgeted amount as we could. It was fun! And now Olorion is hooked on going with us so...it's fun!

Ok, so I lied about not having much to talk about. But, hey, I'm a girl...I have a LOT to say! But, I've said all I'm going to say tonight. I'm off to bed! G'nite!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Day Nineteen...Really Early in the Morning

It's 2:24 in the morning and I can't sleep. I went to bed about 11, knowing I had to get up by 5:30 to sub tomorrow...uh, I mean today...and all I could do was lay there. I tossed and turned until about midnight. Then, I realized I had a bit of a headache and body aches so I took a pain pill and rolled over, tried to get comfy and go to sleep. And, I just laid there...some more. Then at about 1:30 (I guess), I got an email from both the subdesk and the teacher for whom I was scheduled to sub tomorrow...uh, today...saying that it was a half day for the high school and that they wouldn't need me after all. Which is fine in a way because I can do some homework and actually, possibly, gain some headway on this major assignment. It's kinda stinky in a way because I was excited about finally getting into a classroom again. It's been a LONG time and I was really looking forward to it. And, I don't get paid to do homework...there is that! So, I came downstairs to get something to drink and decided I would look online at the other districts to see if there was anything I could do instead...nuthin'...so, I figured while I was online, I'd blog a little. Maybe get some of the thoughts running through my head out so I can sleep.

Random Thought One...

I just finished writing a song. I know that was going through my head. I don't have the words right now, but I'll write them down later. They're upstairs in my phone. I've had the words for a few days...well, I've had the chorus for about 2 weeks, but just finished the rest of the lyrics about 2 days ago. I've been toying with a melody, but I wasn't sure if it was something I was remembering from another song. But, tonight it all came together. It's a very cool song. I'm going to see if my cousin (who is in Texas right now, but who is also an AMAZING musician) can help me put it together. I know what it is supposed to sound like in my head, but whether that'll sound good to those with WAY better hearing/musical perception than me, who knows! I think it'll sound best picked on a guitar, but...we'll see.

Random Thought Two...

I'm one assignment away from being completely finished with my grad school classes. I have to write a research paper on Educational Interpreters (tough subject, I know!) and distill it into a presentation I would make for parents or staff/faculty at a school at which I may teach. I have to put my research into layman's terms in order to effectively get others on board with equal access and providing the best education we can for our DHH students. I've abstracted all 8 of my articles, now I have to pull them all together along with my website information, and make my paper. I estimate it'll be about 10-15 pages before it's complete...which won't be THAT big of a paper. I can usually crank out papers of that size fairly quickly. It'll be the citation, bibliography and annotation that will kick my butt.

Random Thought Three...

I have heartburn and acid reflux...blech!

Random Thought Four...

I get my truck fixed on Saturday! YAY! I haven't driven it since December because I couldn't find the Idaho title to have it transferred to a Washington title and re-tabbed. Also, it was having problems when I went up hills. It would cut out like I was running out of gas, but I have plenty of gas in it. So, dad put a new fuel filter in and that SEEMED to fix the issue, but then the tabs expired so I couldn't drive it anymore until I got a replacement title from Idaho. Finally that came, but then I had no money to fix it any further (it has needed a tune up since I got it in October of 2005!) or transfer the title and re-tab it (upwards of $100). Well, my most awesomest, gracious, giving parents decided they could loan me the money to get the 3-day pass to have it street-legal to drive, enough for the emissions testing and repairs if needed if it doesn't pass, as well as for the title transfer and tabs. I really miss my Simon! That's the name that was given to my truck before I got him, so...once someone's been named, it has to be changed legally...and I don't want to! It fits his personality!

Random Thought Five...

I bet the PUD bill is going to go through the roof this winter. We moved into this house in February and really only ran the heat for a few months...then it's just been the fan until about a week ago. Now, we have it set at 68 during the evening and 70 during the day. I don't mind it cold, but Moob, Olorion and Millyra get colder than do I, so, we compromise and they get the heat! Not that I mind...I just can't wait to be here a year so they can put us on the budget plan and we'll have equal payments throughout the year. That'll be nice...easier to budget for.

Random Thought Six...

I really need to clean my room. It's kinda messy. I still have things in boxes that haven't been unpacked since we moved in...8 months ago. I think it's time.

Random Thought Seven...

I hope our landlady gives us an extended lease. That's something that's been bothering me. Not too much, but I tend to only stay in places for less than a year or so...it's been 8 months. I don't want to bother getting used to living here, then in 4 months be told I have to move again. I would SCREAM! Ultimately, I'd love to buy this house with Moob. We could do it with our combined incomes (provided I have work with subbing or get a permanent teaching job) and our mortgage wouldn't be much higher (if at all) than what we're paying now. And, with me being a teacher, I should qualify for some good deals on 1st time home buyer plans, like $0 down or 0% interest or something like that. Anyway, it would be nice to have a 3-5 year lease at least on this house. That would give us 3-5 years to make sure our finances are in shape enough, as well as 3-5 years to save for a down payment, to afford this house. Millyra wouldn't have to change schools and/or districts again...which would be a BIG bonus for her! We wouldn't have to spend the money on 1st/last and deposit for another house/apartment (God forbid!). It would be guaranteed income for our landlady. And, if she considers it, we may be able to do a lease-option where a portion of the rent goes toward a down payment, even if just a small amount. Anyway, I think it would be a good idea for all concerned.

Random Thought Eight...

I'm running out of random thoughts!

Random Thought Nine...

I keep spelling random "r-a-m-d-o-n"...I think it's time for bed.

Random Thought Ten...

Zzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Day Eighteen...Videos!

I was looking online and found this video. It CRACKED me up! If you watch Family Guy, you'll recognize the baby's voice!

Stewie!





I saw this one too. It's about as much spanish as I know!


One Semester of Spanish - Spanish Love Song





So, on to different stuff. I quit my night job to sub full time. Well, the first 3 days, I've had nothing! But, I have a job tomorrow and half of Friday. Then I have a full day job next Monday and a half day next Friday. Things are coming in quite nicely. It'll be a difficult adjustment from being paid every 2 weeks to once a month at the end of the month. But, God is good...God always provides...God is always faithful! He'll see me through this transition and meet my needs. Thanks to all of you who have prayed for me. I appreciate it!

Bible Study...

So, tonight I went to Bible Study with my girlfriend. It was SO good. We're studying Ephesians 5 which is a heavy chapter, but we talked a LOT about what being an imitator of God is all about. What does that mean in our lives? How can we "be holy as [He] is holy"? It is less about WHAT we DO and more about WHO we ARE. God, through Christ, makes a way for us to be holy. It's amazing! God loves us! Yay!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Day Seventeen...Step One Towards Destressed

So, I finally made the jump. No, not off the deep end as some of you are thinking (and you know who you are!). I've decided to quit my current job and substitute. It's a bit of a gamble because the nature of substituting is being "on-call" and "as needed", so there is no 100% guarantee. However, I have been tracking the amount of requests I've received since September 7th. The numbers are there...the finances are there. I went over last night to my parents' house with Moob (since my financial decisions effect her) and we hashed things out. It was a very enlightening time. I learned that other people have seen my little stresses get to me (like my weight, not being married, not having children, being an idiot when it comes to finances, not having a teaching job, only having 2 more assignments to finish before grad school is done, then taking 2 more tests until I can graduate and get my endorsement...plus being on the night shift). I also learned that I have an amazing friend in Moob. She is so supportive and blunt...which is what I need. I need a friend to be able to tell me I'm being a putz, to pick myself up, do something about my situation, and move forward. Which is what I've done. I'm quitting my job tomorrow. I have to go in and turn in my badge and key, but that's all. And, with the support (and drill sergeant-ness) of Moob, I'm going to be working out and changing the way I eat. It was one of the requirements for her to be comfortable with my quitting. And, that's very awesome. It's something I need to do anyway. Moob and I are going through Financial Peace University. Dave Ramsey, the author, said that people can either be in victim mode or attack mode. They can either LET things happen TO them or MAKE things happen FOR them. Well, I've decided to be the latter, not the former. I'm ready to make things happen for myself. Not everything that has happened in my life is all someone else's fault. I had something to do with it. I chose to be in the victim mode. No longer. I'm going into attack mode. I'm going to make something of myself and make things happen. It's my choice.

And, speaking of FPU, I'm a little confused about the plan Dave Ramsey has set forth in his book. He said we are to start with the first baby step of saving $1000 in savings for an emergency fund. That's great. I couldn't agree more with that. Then, we are to be working on paying down our debts. Great. I couldn't agree more with that, either. But...the problem I have is that I'm already behind on my debts. If I don't give them SOMETHING, I go to collections. I guess I'll have to read more about his plan and maybe talk with Moob and my parents, who are also going through it.

Anyway, I'm also still working on The Purpose-Driven Life...it's just a bit hard to find time when someone isn't on the computer! Since my laptop is broken, I have to schedule my time around Moob's time since it's her computer. Anyway, it should be better now that I'm back on days. I'll have some time after school before she gets home to work on my stuff. Not that I couldn't "kick" her off, but she uses her computer time to destress, so...

K...off to bed!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Day Sixteen...The Purpose-Driven Life

So, I started this book, The Purpose-Drive Life by Rick Warren, about 5 years ago when it first came out and was BIG in all the churches. And, like so many things, I never finished it. I got all the way through chapter 2 and decided I had something else to do instead. Well, last night while I was lying in bed, I decided I was going to read it and see what it had to say about my current state. Section 1? What on Earth am I Here For? Day 1? It All Starts with God. End of story? No...because each chapter is a different day. There are 40 chapters for a 40-day journey into discovering God's will for my life. And, I think that's what I need right about now. You know that feeling of being in a huge crowd but feeling all alone? That's what I'm feeling right now. I think I'm at a crossroads...a turning point in my life. I have decisions I need to make that will either make or break me and my future. I know I need to get out of my current job. It's literally killing me...I've had to give up all my after work functions: church, bible study, women's fellowship, Deaf Coffee House, Boutique Board, hanging with my family, card-making with my mom, teaching Girls Alive, eating a real sit-down meal. It really sucks...I'm up when everyone else is asleep. I'm asleep when everyone else is up. It bites! And, I'm need to change it. I talked with Sulla tonight...he told me that I need to make my choice and stick to it, but do whatever I need to do to succeed. I can give up cable...I can live without it. It's a luxury. Rent, food and utilities are not luxuries...they're necessities. When I get my truck fixed, I'll have more gas money because it gets better mileage than the car I'm driving now. I'll also be healthier because my body clock will be back on schedule.

So, anyway, I thought I'd give this blog some direction.

Day 1 starts with What on Earth am I Here for? It tries to begin answering the question about purpose. We were created BY God and FOR God...for HIS purposes...for HIS glory...for HIS work. And, learning that and applying it to our lives changes everything. The author says something key that really hit home (I even underlined it!). He says, "...being successful and fulling your life's purose are not at all the same issue! You could reach all your personal goals, become a raving success by the world's standard, and still miss the purpose for which God created you." So, that's where this journey is taking me. I'm trying to figure out God's purpose for me...not how to fulfil my own goals.

There are Points to Ponder (P2P), Verses to Remember (V2R), and Questions to Consider (Q2C) at the end of each day. Day ones' are:

P2P: It's not about me!

V2R: "Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him." Colossians 1:16b (MSG)

Q2C: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

That's a hard question to answer. I don't tend to pay much attention to advertising because I've never been one for "trendiness", if you will. So, the best way for me to remember that life is really about living for God is by putting God first in my life. How? Reading His Word daily, going to church, fellowshipping with believers, praying, giving, serving. With God on top, everything else will fall into place.

There are also discussion questions that relate to the previous 7 days in the back of the book that I'll be talking about, but those will come at the end.

So, on to day 2.

Day Fifteen...One of the Worst Days

So, as y'all know, I have migraines. I've been to many doctors for many pain meds but none seem to work very well. So, I took a trip to the doctor a few weeks ago to see if she could do anything. She was very nice, but gave me a medicine that cost (with insurance) nearly $70...for 9 pills! That gives me a headache just thinking about it. So, I haven't taken one because it's like eating $7.77 every time I do. Well, I took one today because I couldn't miss any more work. As it is, I prolly won't have enough for both rent and all my other expenses...food bank, here I come! Anyway, I woke up with the headache, felt OK, but the pharmacist said to take one even if you suspect a migraine otherwise it may not work well. So, I popped one, praying for a miracle-cure for the day. Well, I felt OK enough to shower, get something to eat, and do a little computer work. Well, as soon as I was ready to go, I turned around in the swivel chair at the desk and nearly lost my rice krispies. I just sat there for a minute thinking, "ok, you just turned around too fast...breathe it off...you'll be fine." So, I sat there for about 5 minutes, not moving. Olorin asked if I was OK. I knew I wasn't OK. I told her no and went upstairs where I actually DID lose my rise krispies. Twice. My eyes were all blurry and I was dizzy. I called in sick to work, hoping to sleep it off and go in late. I laid down on my bed and began to shiver...I mean, I was freezing my patootie off. I was in my clothes for work and curled up under my blankets just to get warm. I got up and took my temperature and it wasn't that high...only 100...but I was FREEZING! And ask everyone...I like it cold (although, today it was 63 and I finally broke down and turned the heat on...even though it's not October!), but I was freezing. Like I said, I was in my jeans and t-shirt for work...and my bra (I HATE THAT THING!!!), shivering under my sheet, my great-grandmother's homemade quilt and my mexico blanket. And I was still shivering...teeth chattering and everything. At some time, I fell asleep all under my blankets (except my mouth...can't breathe warm air...nasty!) and didn't wake up again until 4:30 or so. I got into some comfy clothes and came back downstairs. I wasn't feeling the best, but much better than before. I had called the doctor and she said that if I had a reaction like this, not to continue taking it (and she went to medical school for 8 years for this sage advice...hmmm). She said that my reaction was normal for someone who was going to have a reaction to this medication. Lovely. Had I known that, I NEVER would have taken it! I would have stayed with the narcotics the walk-in doctor gave me and been done with it. Yes, they knock me out, but at least I don't shiver and pass out like I did with this one. Blech...never again! At least now it's all out of my system and I'm going to work tomorrow.

But, on the more positive side of things, like I said yesterday, substituting is picking up. I had to turn down another 3 assignments for tomorrow and 1 for Monday. I told Delibirirth that I'd track until the end of the month, then make my decision. If I worked from tomorrow until the end of the pay period, I would gross $1900. Whereas, working where I am now, I'd only gross $1700. That's $200 more subbing than not. Plus what I have in my paycheck next week coming from my current job. Plus, the bonus of subbing is that I don't have to do the lesson planning so my afternoons, evenings and weekends are free. I can tutor if I need to pick up some extra cash. Or do like my girlfriend did and work a 2nd part time job...like retail a few nights a week...or something. Heck, I could deliver the newspaper if I had to. But, I don't think I'd have to. We'll have to wait and see...and I'll have to put numbers on paper for Delibirirth and Moob for them to see what I see and know that I'm not just making stuff up to quit my job. I wonder if I may qualify for some sort of disability through the state. I'm getting ADA accommodations at work for my migraines. I'll check into that.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Day Fourteen...Things Are Picking Up

Well, I've been tracking the offers I've had from the sub offices at the 3 districts for whom I substitute. I thought it would be good to track my potential income for a month (ok, I wanted 2 weeks, but Delibririth, Moob, Sulla and Ysolla convinced me otherwise!) to be sure that if I quit my guaranteed job, I could make it at the sub jobs. So far, since the beginning of school, I've passed on 7 jobs to the tune of $826.45 (minus taxes). Now, granted, I wouldn't see $556.45 until the end of October, but if I worked every school day between now and October 12th, I would have nearly $2400...plenty for my monthly expenditures. But, since am tracking for a full month, I have about a week and a half left to track. Then, I can make my decision.

I've been doing well as far as my eating. I tell ya, tracking what you're putting in your mouth can really be eye-opening...and mouth-shutting! The first few days, I was eating nearly double the calories I should have been eating in order to lose weight. For the last few days, I've been doing much better. I have calculated that if I lose 2 pounds per week, I'll be at my goal of 160 by February 2010...and really, that's not too far off. It's September now, so that's, what, 29 months...to lose 2/3 of my body weight...not too bad.

I have been toying with the idea of having the lap-band surgery. My doctor recommended it. So, I went online and researched it. It's not as invasive as gastric bypass, with fewer complications. It's not permanent, so should something go wrong, it can be reversed. And, there's a doctor that my Pastor's Wife goes to who is a Christian who does that surgery. It's in his area of expertise. So, I went online to my insurance. The doctor is in network, but (of course) the procedure is deemed cosmetic and, therefore, not covered. Joy! If the insurance people could take one look at me, as well as evaluate my family history (hypertension, diabetes, sleep apnea, high cholesterol), they'd think of it as preventative medicine! But, trying to convince them of that...well, you've heard the scripture about getting a camel through the eye of a needle? Well...the analogy fits here, too! I guess I'll have to wait until I have different insurance to see if it's covered. Or find a rich uncle to ask to pay for it!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Day Thirteen...I'm Flat Out Exhausted

It's 1:00 am and I'm just getting home. I had this lady on the phone with me for nearly 2 hours arguing that she never authorized her kid to access the internet on his PDA and he must have done it on accident. Right, over 41,000 kb of "accidental download"? C'mon, lady! Give it up! I told her they were legit charges and that she prolly needs to restrict her kid from the phone if he's not going to behave with it. She said "I had no idea this was possible...I've been paying for accidental internet access for years." Uhhh...yeah, did you just hear what you said? You had no idea you all could access internet, but you've been paying for the accidental charges (which, by the way, say Internet Express RIGHT ON THE BILL!) for years. You just admitted to paying for charges you never new could happen! DER! We went round and round...OMG...sometimes people can be so pig-headed, not wanting to own up to their own errors. Then when they try to excuse their way out of it, they end up talking themselves into a corner. And, I'm pretty smart...I catch onto those things! So, she DEMANDED that I go back and refund all of the accidental internet access charges she's been paying for. I told her I could go back to March. However, I went back an entire year, to August of 2006. The amount I should have credited? $66.98! I came back on the line and told her that over the last 13 months, she's been paying for internet access for 3 phone lines totalling $66.98. I would definitely waive those fees. But the current charges stick...they were done on purpose. Her kid had over $415 in internet charges. My $66.98 was a drop in the bucket compared...However, because I was feeling gracious, I told her I would even double the previous charges, so I would waive $133.96, plus all the picture/video messages they were charged for over the last 13 months. Ping...another drop in the bucket. I didn't budge, though. I thought, c'mon...you're just freaking out because your kid did something he wasn't supposed to and now YOU get stuck with the bill. WHATEVER! "Well, I wasn't told...blah...blah...blah" I didn't have much sympathy. Usually, I'm pretty giving, but not tonight.

On a more positive (sorta) note, I got a call from the Shoreline School District. They wanted me as a sub tomorrow (that's the "positive" part). I had to turn them down 'cuz I get to work for "the man" (that's the "kinda" part). But, it's all going into my spreadsheet so I can (hopefully soon) quit this job and substitute full time until I get something permanent. I've started having a different outlook on my job since my college friend reminded me that I always have a choice. There are several opportunities online for me to apply for different jobs. I have to email my resume to most of them, but it's a start.

And, there's a full time teaching position at the middle school right behind my house! I could walk to work every day! Cool!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Day Twelve...Financial Peace

Today, Moob and I began a class through our church called Financial Peace University. It's all about finances...how to manage them, how to save, how to spend, how to become financiall stable....something we BOTH need, especially since Sherlock is being a jerk! It was quite an eye-opening evening...analyzing why I needed to get my finances under control. I spend money. I spend more money than I make. I spend money I shouldn't spend. I spend money I don't really have. All in an effort to cover up something. I'm not entirely sure what, but I'm sure it'll come to me! I know some of it comes from not having much growing up, but we always had what we needed...food, clothes, shoes, school supplies. Granted, sometimes we ate a pot of beans for a week, the clothes we had were home-made or hand-me-downs, the school supplies were always generic brand, but they did the job and we were just fine. I guess it's just some psycho-logical hangup I have about having stuff. I think it also might stem from watching my cousin/best friend always buying things because she had money. I wanted that freedom in my life so I bought stuff, too. Even if I really didn't have the money, I still bought stuff. For example...I was shopping with my girlfriend this summer. I found a really cute purse...it was priced at $20. It was a very nice purse and for $20, not a bad deal. Well, when I got up to the counter, the gal told me it was only $2.50 because it was on clearance. Well, rather than accepting the 1 purse I really wanted for $2.50, I went back and got 3 more different purses for the $20 I was originally going to spend. Now, I really liked all the other purses, but I don't need 4 new purses in addition to the ones I already have but never use. It's things like that that I don't understand. I...it just...it's like it's a compulsion that I can't control. Like tourette syndrome of the wallet...I go along just fine and then, BLAM-O, my money's flying out of my hands and into the cash register. It's stupid! So, hopefully I'll learn something of value over the next 13 weeks and can begin to dig myself out of financial ruin...which is something I DESPERATELY need to do...especially if I plan on getting married, or fostering children, or buying a house (which I'd LOVE to buy this one with Moob...it'd be AWESOME!). Anyway, I'm very excited about this class.

So, as you all know, I've been struggling with my job and health for a few months. Well, another girlfriend from college sent me some encouragement. She has had health struggles, too, and knows what I'm experiencing. She told me her motto is "There's Always a Choice". No matter what situation I find myself in, I always have a choice. If I'm not happy in my job, I can always get another one. If I'm not happy in my life, I can do something about it. If I'm not healthy, I can change what I'm eating/doing/thinking. I always have a choice. I'm not STUCK anywhere. I can either choose to stay or choose to move. So, since then, I've been thinking about changing jobs. I enjoy what I'm doing, but I'm not happy there. I hate the late shift (2:15 to 11:00pm), I can't be involved with my church during the weekdays because of my shift, I can't be involved with the women's group because of my shift. I can't even volunteers to teach the girls group on Wednesday nights because of my shift. I've also been having a very hard time hearing lately...yes, more than usual! Like I said earlier, I think some of my headaches come from not being able to hear/understand so much on the phone. I asked my team manager if I could try another headset on Friday. He loaned me his set and it was an improvement because I had 2 ear phones, but it was still hard. I'm going to try another set tomorrow and see what happens. But, in the meantime, I'm still going to be looking around, putting my feelers out there, for another job, not so phone-oriented. It's just becoming too hard for me. I love helping people, but I might do better online or in person than on the phones. If only my insurance would cover hearing aids...that would solve a LOT of problems, I'm sure!

So, if you think of it, pray for peace, pray for joy, pray for a good job, pray for patience, pray for direction, pray for wisdom, pray for understanding. I need them all!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Day Eleven...Another Day at the Factory...Blech!

So, I really don't want to go to work today. I really don't want to be there. I think I've gotten myself worked up again...I really want to teach. I don't know how much more of this I can take. One thing I think I've discovered...maybe the reason I'm having so many headaches at work is because I'm straining to hear and understand my customers over the phones. It is really difficult. I was talking to one of my friends, who also has tinnitus, and she used to work for WaMu. She had the same difficulty...trying to understand over the phone, then if there was any background noise from the caller's environment, and/or background noise from her environment, she really had to strain to hear. So, maybe that's some of the issue. But, I do know that it's becoming harder and harder to go to work every day.

I was supposed to hear back from Issaquah last Friday. It's now Thursday. I've heard nothing. It's becoming a pattern with me. I have no idea what's going on. ARGH!

On a brighter note, I got a B in the class I completed...from LAST YEAR! It's good to have one more thing off my plate. Now I have my research paper to write and my audiology question to answer and I'm done with my classes. The only thing left to do after that is my Comprehensive Exam on October 13th. Then, I finally get my degree in December. Then, I'll be DONE with school...until I go back to get my PhD! But, that will be a LONG time in the future...

kthanksbye!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Day Ten...A Party to Remember

Ok, so it wasn't the GRANDEST party, but I hosted the monthly get-together my church has for our ladies group. I haven't ever had a home in which I could host a large crowd (if you count 13 people as large), so it was nice to have people over. My pastor's wife told my mom she really liked the house we're renting. She expected it to be a lot older looking than it is and said it was beautiful. How nice to know that she thinks I dun good! Not that I need that reassurance, but it was still nice to hear.

And now that our house is clean, we can have company more often! I can't wait to have the "southerners" up! I know the little one plays football on Saturday's, but still...And, I'd love to get to know our neighbors a little more. That's just my personality. I LOVE ENTERTAINING! I'd have a different person/family over every week if I could. I'd love to start going through the church phone book and my friends list and have everyone over just for dinner and conversation. And, having this house, I can do that. We all can do that. It's a GREAT house for entertaining. For Mother's Day, Father's Day and my parents' anniversary, we had 11 people for dinner those days and it was so much fun! In fact, Moob and I are going to work our hardest to get some money to spruce the house and yard up a little so our landlady will agree to a longer lease, or a lease option. We'd LOVE to buy this house. Right now, neither Moob nor I can afford it, but if we get the landlady to agree to a 3-5 year lease, we can have that time to really concentrate on bettering our finances, save for a down payment and buy the house together, both earning equity. One of the ways we're bettering our finances is by attending Financial Peace University. Some couples from our church have gone through it and they've said it revolutionized how they managed their money. I think it will be good for all of us. My parents and brother are going through it, too. So, we'll all be learning together! YAY US!

I'm off to bed now...gotta get my fingerprints tomorrow, drop of a form to my proctor for my final exams for college, and return my defective sidekick. By the way, I HATE T-Mobile...they stink! Long story...no time now. G'nite!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Day Nine...Exhaustion

It's nearly midnight and I should be in bed, but I thought I'd check a few things first. First, I checked to see if my info was corrected on the district website for which I sub. No. And, I can't change it even though there are options. It's so stupid...Anyway,

Then, I checked the available jobs for another district for which I sub. Only a short term sub assignment in either French or Spanish. Now, I know just enough of both languages to get me into trouble and could prolly teach the students a thing or two, but I'm sure what I know isn't in the curriculum. Still, I emailed the sub coordinator stating that, even with my little experience with either language, I was still very much available and willing to take the job should she need. We'll see...

All day yesterday was a cleaning day. I'm having the women from my church over on Tuesday night for our monthly ministry night. It should be fun! Only a few women have been here since we moved in...my grandmother, my mom's friend Barb and Rebecca when she dropped off Millyra from a sleepover. It'll be nice to entertain for the evening. And, it'll be nice for my aunt to see some of her things in my house! She sold me her coffee table, gave me some lamps for my birthday a few years ago, and probably made the wreath I bought last year at the boutique that sits above my fireplace! Anyway, it'll be nice to show people that I'm not just a slacker and I do have a nice home...not that I think anyone thinks that, but people tend not to get to know me outside our normal circle (why not, I have no idea), so this will be a chance to "be a grown up" for a change. I'm really looking forward to it.

Today we had church at the park. It was very fun! It was a little chilly, but still good. It was nice to have a change of scenery. Our church is beautiful...our sanctuary is gorgeous...but sometimes it's nice to worship God in HIS creation. 'Twas very nice. And, I felt like I heard from God during worship, too. Not much I can talk about right now because the situation I'm in isn't common knowledge, but He has reassured me that I'm doing well in it and He is working in the situation to bring everything together.

Ok...now I'm just falling asleep at the keyboard. My fingers are working faster than my brain can think. ARGH. I'm going to bed.

Actually, before I do, I want to write the lyrics to two new songs that have really hit me upside the head. The first is Mercy Me's "Jesus Bring the Rain". It's a song about wanting all the good things in life, knowing that God has intended us to have those good things, but also knowing that His ways are holy and just and perfect. He sometimes sends rain into our lives to cause our fruit to flourish ...He sometimes allows storms to come into our lives to cause our roots to reach down deep into the ground. Surrending ourselves to His will changes our point of view and we will welcome those rainstorms.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my painY
ou who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

The next song that's really hit me upside the head is Casting Crowns' "East to West". Many of us have heard the scripture that tells us that when Jesus was crucified on the cross, God took our sin and cast it as far as the east is to the west. It was a picture of the distance God puts between us and the sin that has been put under the Blood of the Lamb. Well, often I think, "wow...my sin is really close to me because I can see it. I'm sure God can see it. I KNOW others can see it. So, how far away is the east from the west?" Well, this song answers that question.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

WOW! The first time I read those lyrics, I couldn't believe the picture I got of Jesus standing in front of me saying, "Wanna know how much I love you? I love you this much" stretching out his nail-scarred hands to each side and giving me a big hug...WOW!

G'nite.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Day Eight...Change of Plans

So, Moob, Millyra and Olorin all went to Olympia to hang with some friends. So, I am here at the house all by myself. I SO LOVE being with my family, but sometimes it's nice to have a break. I have both dogs who are passed out on the couch and the entire house to myself. I have to clean today, but the "girls day" with Millyra is postponed for another time...and that's OK. She needs to see her family from where she used to live. I've texted Delebririth so hopefully she can come over and we can hang, too. We'll see!

So...I'm off to start cleaning...after I get something to eat. I'm hungry!

Afternoon Break:

I found a quote on the desk as I was cleaning and it really spoke to me. It says:

"You have a simple choice to make. You can either take a chance and try to make your dreams come true or you can retreat back into the hidden depth of your own inner worlds. Retreating, however, will not bring you the safety you desire. You will gain some security as you develop confidence in your abillity to withstand change, not to avoid it."

I don't know where it came from, but it looks like it's in Moob's handwriting. I'll ask her about it when she gets home. But, anyway, it spoke to me. It says there is no try...there is do or do not. So, either get off my duff and do something, or don't. I can't avoid change...I can embrace it and flow with it. I can roll with the punches that God is bringing my way, or allowing to come my way, and find joy in knowing that I'm ok in God's eyes. I'm Undamaged and In Tact...because of Him. Hmmm...

Friday, September 7, 2007

Day Seven...A Trip to the Doc

So, I took a trip to the walk-in clinic doctor the other day. I had a migraine so bad, I had to get something powerful to knock it out. He gave me 2 shots in the butt to knock it out...the mostest funnest time I've EVER had with my pants down! Anyway...that doctor got me an appointment with a regular doctor. And, I had that today. I really liked this doctor. She was very nice. I wanted to ask her about all kinds of things, but specifically about my migraines and why I'm so tired all the time. She told me that I need to reduce my weight and de-stress my life. Check...at least on the de-stressing part. I'm blogging and letting things roll off my back a little better than before. I'm trying to not stress out about not being a teacher. Well, about beging a teacher without a classroom. It hurts me a LOT...I want to be a teacher more than most things in the world. I've worked so hard and for so long...it doesn't seem fair for me to have to wait so long to get a good teaching job. I think that part of the stress I'm feeling I brought on myself...When I started working for the call center, I knew it was only temporary...basically until the end of August when I KNEW I was going to start teaching...and just long enough for Moob to get her referral bonus. Then, I'd quit, go into my new classroom, set it up like I wanted, decorating the walls, putting up my ABC pictures, putting out my books in my library, sharpening the pencils for my teacher desk. Well, school started this week and I'm still not in the classroom. I've had a few interviews, but those principals have wanted people with "just a little more experience" than I have. What I want to know is how does someone gain experience if people won't hire someone without much experience? Someone had to take a chance on those experienced teachers back when they were new teachers. I need to find that job. I need to find that principal. I need to find that program, but I can't seem to land it.

(I just found out that the woman who does the voice for Lois Griffin is the same soman who played Ms. Swan on MadTV...funny)

Anyway, I talked with my counselors today and I'm working through some of the disappointment of not having a teaching job. I'm also working through some other issues...like forgiveness with my cousin and grandfather. My outlook on life and my relationships with them have changed a lot in the last few weeks. I'll blog more about those at another time.

Then the doctor gave me some medications: 1 for preventing migraines (a blood pressure medication to reduce the constriction in the blood vessels in my head) and 1 for treating them when they occur. So, that's the new concoction I'm on.

Well, it's off to bed for me right now. I've got a girl's day planned with Millyra...we're going to do a LOT of things...watch movies, create a skit, dress up, and then cook dinner for Moob, Olorin, and Delebririth as a celebration of the first week of school.

Day Six...Feeling Good...

I got up early this morning. Ok, it was 11:00, but when you work the night shift, that's early! I got up and worked out for about 35 minutes in my living room. I sweated...and I HATE sweating. It's just gross! But, in all honesty, I felt pretty good after. I had to cut the workout down by about 15 minutes because I didn't want to over-do myself on the first day. But, it was still a good chunk of time. I got my heart rate up, stretched some muscles and I felt pretty good going to work today. No headache! YAY! I am feeling a little tension in my hip and knee, but we'll see what happens tommorrow morning. I don't want it to discourage me from exercising. Maybe I'll just do the warm up and cool down...stretching is good!

So, I found out Mr. Yummy is Mr. Off Limits. Yep, married...pooh! Oh, well. Life goes on!

I've been doing some soul-searching. I need to take care of myself. I really don't do that and I'm not entirely sure why. I've been so worried and caught up in making sure everyone else is satisfied that I've ignored me and my relationship with God and with others. I need to make sure I'm healthy physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and all of the other -ally's I can think of. Once those things are in check, the other "life stuff" will fall into place.

Off to bed...

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Day Five...Failure at First Glance

Ok, so I didn't get up and work out. But, that's OK. I started to feel like a failure and think negatively about setting my goal, but then I decided I wasn't going to let myself do that. I'll do it tomorrow. I've been fighting migraines for the last month and woke up with another one this morning, so I decided to sleep it off, go to the doctor's today for an adjustment and feel better. I'll get to bed decent tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

More later...

Ok, so I did pretty well today as far as eating. I went out to dinner with my parents after going to the doctor. I only had 1 plate of food and didn't eat what wasn't appetizing. I had a small bowl of ice cream and tapioca pudding and didn't walk out of there feeling bloated. I'm going to get something to eat before I go to bed, so...

It's a new day tomorrow...

Day Four...Decision-Making

So, today I got to be auntie to Millyra and go with her to meet her teacher, Mr. Yummy Tupley. Ok, so I really didn't intend to go man-hunting, but it just happened. He's a very nice man...Millyra likes him, so, he's GOT to be nice! Ok, here's the story. Moob works during the day...as most people do. So, Millyra asked me if I could go with her to meet her teacher. Of course, I said yes. We got to her classroom and met her teacher. He seems very excited to begin the new school year,which as a teacher myself, I TOTALLY understand. I asked him a few things that I knew Moob would want to know...like if he was married about homework, class expectations, if he liked big girls etc. Just as I was about to tell him I was a teacher, too, Millyra blurts out, "Oh, yeah, and by the way, she's a substitute teacher...in this district...so if you need her, you can call!" I JUST ABOUT jumped up and down, screaming like a school girl and kissed her DIED! I thought, great...now he's gonna think I came here just to network and promote myself...which was a secondary reason but if I didn't get the chance, that was ok. I was there for Millyra and to make her feel comfortable about beginning a new year with a new teacher. After I finished screaming inside blushing, I gazed into his eyes, knowing I was falling head-over-heelslooked up and he was excited about learning I was a sub. He asked if he could write my name down to keep close to his heart for his reference and pass it on to everyone else because he "works a lot with the district in arranging for substitutes". So, I made a connection this morning which may play to my advantage for work!

Also, I had an interview today with the Issaquah school district. It's for a full time ASL position at Issaquah High School. I would be replacing the current ASL teacher when she goes on maternity leave. I would be her on-call sub if she needed it, and be ready at a moments notice to begin my full time employment should she need to take leave early...which is a possibility. She's had complications in 4 of her pregnancies...and had 9 alltogether. So, there's a strong possibility that I'd be working before she planned to take leave, on November 30.

I've also been thinking a LOT about restructuring my life to include a routine of exercise. I watched The Biggest Loser tonight and feel very much inspired to do something about my weight. I'm big. I need to be a LOT smaller. If I don't do anything now, I'm never going to do anything ever. I need to change the way I live my life. I need to make taking care of my body part of my daily routine. I need to care enough about my future husband and children to take care of me now. I need to know that God gave me this body to use and I need to respect Him by maintaining it the way it should be maintained. So, beginning tomorrow, I'm going to get up a little early and either take the dogs for a walk around the block (or down the street...depending on my knee) or do some aerobics in the house. I have a DVD to which I can work out inside, where no one can see me (except Olorin, the Ruler...and the dogs...but they won't care!) Then, I can shower and head to work knowing I've done something positive for myself. And, I believe that if I begin to work positively on myself, positive things will begin to happen. I don't believe in "name it and claim it" kind of work or "thinking myself thin" because it takes work. What I do believe is that if I make a goal, work hard and do my best, God will reward me with good things. And it's about time I do something about it. I've been overweight since I was 11 years old...I've never seen myself as a woman at a normal weight. I'd like to do that someday. I'll probably start with some aerobics in the house...it's a little safer than walking with the dogs. I'll work up to that.

All in all, I think today was a good day...contemplative, thought-provoking, fun. I want more like this.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Day Three...Introductions

So, I think I'm going to introduce some of the key players in my life. That way, you all will know who I'm talking about when I say names like La Moob Harfwort, Millyra , Queen of the Glittering Caves, Olórin the Ruler, Delebririth Queen of Lórien , Sulla of the House of Fëanor, and Ysolla Greycloak.

La Moob Harfwart is my roommate. We've been friends since I was 9 and she was 10. We met when I moved into her neighborhood. We didn't go to school together, but we played together at each other's houses. We lost contact when I was about 11. Met up again when we both were in high school. Lost contact when I was 18. Then, when I lived in Westmarch (Idaho), she found me on MySpace. Too cool!

Millyra , Queen of the Glittering Caves, is Moob's daughter. She's AWESOME! I love her like she was my own! We have so much fun together...and she's a good cook, too!

Olórin the Ruler is Moob's mother. They all come as a package! She makes the most amazing migas and home-made tortillas!

Delebririth Queen of Lórien is my mom. She's awesome, too! I've know her all my life! We've never lost contact. We're bestest friends...

Sulla of the House of Fëanor is my brother. He's my best friend. I can tell him anything!

Ysolla Greycloak is my dad. He's amazing. I just don't have words to tell you how much I love him. He has wisdom in situations that I NEVER would think of!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Day Two...of Many

Today was a good day. I returned to work after being off all week. I didn't want to go but am glad I did. I got 3 evaluations today and all of them were great. At work, I got 2 100% scores on my QA's and my one-on-one with my team manager was excellent! He is very pleased with my ptogress and happy to have me on his team. Then, a co-worker sent me an e-card saying I'm doing a great job and keep up the good work. So, even though I still wasn't feeling 100%, I did have a good day.

Tomorrow, I'm going over to help my mom clean her house. I'm much better at cleaning other people's messes than cleaning my own...just ask my family! I notorious for being messy! It's something I've definitely got to work on!

I made the mistake of telling myself that there were only 4 days until school started. Talk about a downer. I'm trying real hard to stay positive about it. That's the hard part. After working so hard to put myself through school, I end up working in a field in which I don't need the education in order to succeed. It doesn't seem right. But, as I've been told, it's all in God's timing. And, again, to keep it positive, I have an interview on Tuesday for an ASL teacher position in Issaquah. We'll see how that goes...

I didn't get the backfill I wanted. Backfill is new shifts that become available when employees leave or promote, etc. I was hoping for a regular shift during the day, thinking that might relieve some of the stress I carry around with me. But, again, like I've been told, God has me in this shift for a reason...

God, I pray for your peace, contentment, joy, grace, wisdom and strength for tomorrow.