Day One-Hundred-Fifteen...Promise Number Three

So, this promise has actually been significant in my life several times. But, none more so than tonight. I discovered that ex-roomie has taken the rest of my cable equipment and done something with it...other than handing it over to the cable tech on July 15th...like she was supposed to do. So, I now have a bill for cable of over $615, which, incidentally, includes her and her mother's portion of the cable from May 20 to June 30th. So, not only does she owe me 1 DVR box and a cable modem, she owes for 2/3 of the cable bill, 2/3 of the garbage bill, 2/3 of the PUD bill and 2/3 of the PSE bill. All total, just in the bills, she owes me $187 and change...and that's AFTER I used the $150 she had in my account for her groceries (yes, the one she is accusing me of stealing...ummm...hello...it went to pay for part of your bills!).

When, I confronted ex-roomie on it, her true colors really showed (as if I couldn't see them before). She, naturally, had to resort to name-calling: childish, worthless pratter, someone whose life is a mess and doesn't even have the remote chance of ever being a mother, a life with no value, a little girl, pobrecita (Spanish for poor little girl), deluded, the mother of none, not important, jealous, incestuous, a liar, irrational, unbecoming (she thought I was begging for money). It was quite interesting. You know when you have a lightbulb moment and you see things clearly, for what they really are, for the first time? I had one of those today. Moob didn't divorce her ex because he cheated on her. He cheated on her because she drove him away. Things didn't go exactly as she had planned and she drove him away. Does that excuse what he did? Uh, heckno-techno! But, it does EXPLAIN it! I just feel bad that Millyra, and now Olorin, are caught in the middle of it and are helpless to do anything about it.

You know, I told Moob that I had been more of a mom to her daughter in the 2 1/2 years I knew her than she would EVER be in her entire life, just by donating an egg. And, it's true. (Pardon me while I rant a little...I need this!). Who was it that showed this little girl unconditional love? Me. Who was it that led her to the Lord? Me. Who was it that showed her things in Scripture? Me. Who was it that taught her to pray? Me. Who was it that she stayed with on Mother's Day because she wanted to go to church? Me. Who taught her to love reading? Me. Who helped her be successful in school? Me. Who was it that showed her how to care for others? Me. Who was it that stayed with her mother in the hospital for 2 nights after emergency surgery, sleeping in a recliner made for someone who weighs less than 150 pounds, wiping her butt because she couldn't reach it herself, and the nurse wouldn't do it without latex gloves (she's allergic to latex)? Me. Who took an entire week off work when she came home (which contributed to losing the job), slept on the couch, and jumped every time Moob woke up to make sure she was ok? Me. Who was there when Millyra had cramps and needed some cuddle time, and didn't mind being woke out of a dead sleep to minister to the emotional needs of an 11-year-old in pain, even though Moob was awake downstairs playing on her computer? Me. That's what being a mom is all about. Not giving birth. Any idiot can give birth. I don't have children and am still a mom. She has had a child and is no where NEAR being a mom. That's the REAL miracle of childbirth.

And, you know...I think my perspective on motherhood has really changed. I've always felt bad because I don't have kids. I want them SO much. I've always felt a failure as a woman because I don't have kids. I've always felt less. But, on Mother's Day this year, my Pastor was honoring all of the mothers. I've already blogged about this, but it's significant to my feelings and reactions today. He wanted all of the moms in the sanctuary to stand up. Then, he said all women who were 21 or older could join them. I thought at first he meant all the moms who were 21 or older can join them. But, he said, "No, I want every woman in here who is 21 or older to stand up. Even if you don't have children by birth, you're still mothering someone." I was speechless. He was right. I didn't have children by birth, but I was still a mom. I got a flower and chocolate along with all the other moms. What an amazing day. That felt so good...to be acknowledged. And, that is something that Moob will never understand. She ASSUMES that she gets to be loved as a mother just because she's given birth...that she has the corner on that market. I told her tonight that Millyra HAS to love her because she's her birth child. But, Millyra CHOSE to love me. And that's something Moob will never understand...having someone CHOOSE to love her.

Now, the paragraph before the last is RIDDLED with "ME, ME, ME", and normally I'm not all about "ME". However, I wanted to prove a point. Not that anyone reading this will need that point proven to them, but sometimes it feels good to just write it down! The point is that some people are takers and others are givers. I try my DARNDEST to be a giver. It's just my personality. I have given and given and given. It seems like all that giving has gone unnoticed. There's an old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished" and, boy, have I felt like that. It seems like all I do is try to help people, give people what they need and more, provide for others, minister to others, take them in, share my family with them...and get kicked in the teeth. My sister did that...my boyfriend did that...my cousin did that...and now my friend did that. You'd think that after so many times, I'd finally get it through my thick skull! Knock it off, already! But, no! That's what the enemy wants me to believe. That's where I have to hold onto this third promise (do you like how I tied that in? Not too shabby!). Everything that I have done...everthing that has been done to me...God sees and works together for good BECAUSE I love Him and am called according to His purpose. It is HIS purpose for me to give. It is HIS purpose for me to love. It is HIS purpose for me to provide. It is HIS job, then, to work the "bad" things into good...not mine!

Just an aside, I am choosing to NOT use The Message interpretation this time. While I LOVE that interpretation, the meaning of the scripture is implicit, not explicit...and I think this one deserves the explicit!

Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

And we know...

~ to have knowledge or clear and certain perception, as of fact or truth.
~ to be cognizant or aware, as of some fact, circumstance, or occurrence; have information, as about something.

...that in all things...

~ the whole quantity or amount
~ the whole number; every one
~ everything

...God works...

~ to use or manage
~ to bring about
~ to manipulate or treat
~ to put into effective operation
~ to operate
~ to carry on operations
~ to make, fashion, or execute
~ to achieve or win by work or effort

...for the good...

~ profit or advantage; worth; benefit
~ excellence or merit; kindness
~ moral righteousness; virtue

...of those who love Him...

~ a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
~ a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection

...who have been called...

~ To order or request to undertake a particular activity or work; summon

....according to...

~ in agreement, unity, or harmony with
~ to make to agree or correspond; to suit one thing to another; to adjust

...His purpose.

~ the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
~ an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
~ determination; resoluteness.
~ the subject in hand; the point at issue.
~ practical result, effect, or advantage

So, all of the things that I've gone through with Moob and the nastiness it's caused me, those things will work together for good, by God, because I live Him and have lived in agreement with His purposes for me.

Of that, I can be sure!