ago. It's still incomplete, but it talks about my unbelief. I've been
through the peaks and valleys where I've experienced God's provision.
Living situations...college...graduate school...Idaho (*shiver*)...and
even more recently with the situation in my last house
(**double-shiver**). But, there have always been times where I've
questioned God. I've never had that child-like faith where, in the
midst of life's chaos, I can SEE my Father's hand. Afterward I can see
it. Scripture says "Blessed are they that do not see yet still
believe." But you know what? Those people are in the minority. I want
to be one of those, but I don't know how. I need to see the nails. I
need to put my hand in His side.
Sigh...
So, I had to ask for help. I asked Tamuríl, my friend and Pastor's
Wife, for some wise counsel. Let me take a moment to tell you about
Tamuríl. Tamuríl and Elrohir are the Pastors of my church. I've been
going there for about a month. I started out going pretty regularly in
October of 07 for Bible study with my friend Nienna. I fell in love
with these women and they have been my friends since. Unfortunately, I
had to stop going in January of 08 because Bible study went until 9:00,
I didn't get home until 9:30, in bed by 10:00, asleep by 11:00 and I had
to be up by 5:00 to commute to Renton every day. This was before my
sleep apnoea diagnosis and treatment, so 6 hours of sleep a night wasn't
NEARLY enough. But, I started going again about a month ago. I came to
Sunday service and surprised everyone. And have gone since (except once
when I was sick). So, Tamuríl has become my friend and confidante. I
love her. I trust her. I know she has my best interest at heart.
Anyway, last Friday after Bible study, I asked her advice on a serious
situation. I laid everything out: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I
told her what I wanted to do and why. And I told her why I shouldn't do
that. Then, I asked for her counsel. She didn't tell me what to do.
She told me she would fast and pray for me. I was kinda disappointed
because I wanted her to jump behind me and support what I wanted to do.
But...in the long run, it was a good thing she didn't. I've been able
to pray, listen, pray some more, ask God for certain things to happen if
He wants me to do one thing and other things to happen if He wants me to
do another. It's been very enlightening into God's character and how He
uses people to show that to you. Throughout the day, Tamuríl sent me
scriptures. All these scriptures told me to "rest in Him" and "cast
your cares" and "don't worry". Well, I'm not a worrier. Ask anyone!
It's one of my faults! But I was worried about this situation. I
wanted to jump, but was worried about making the wrong
decision...disappointing my family...hurting us financially. But God
used Tamuríl to communicate His care for me and my worry because I
wasn't in a place to see it. He was able to give me a glimpse of His
character as my Abba. He calmed me down enough to think. He held me
tight enough to feel secure and comforted. He quieted me down enough so
I could begin to hear His voice through the calamity.
So, did I get my answer? Yes and no. No, I didn't get the answer I was
looking for. But, yes, I got the answer to a question I didn't know I
needed to ask.
God is THAT faithful.
And, let me clarify. I was asking God for a Yes or No answer. What he
gave me was the calmness and peace I needed to avoid a rash decision.
God is THAT in tune to what I need.
I'm just waiting for one last bit of confirmation before I make my
move. But I have such peace and serenity about it that I'm
just...speechless.
God is THAT good.
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