Day Ninety...More Bitter than Sweet

Grey Cloak, my dad, is the most amazing man I know. He has such a gentle, gracious, giving, peace-making spirit...

Back in November, Grey Cloak invited a young man from his work, Angarator, and his 6-year old son, Findecano, to come stay in their spare bedroom until they could get back on their feet. Angarator is an addict who had just gotten out of rehab. Well, this arrangement went very well for the first month or so. Well, really through December 31st when Angarator was arrested on a probation violation and thrown into jail for 3 weeks. My parents watched Findecano for those 3 weeks. Angarator used my phone to make collect calls to keep in touch with his son. He finally got out and, again, was doing well. Then he started not coming home on Friday nights after work, leaving Findecano with my folks or brother. He'd shut off his phone so he wouldn't be bothered. He wouldn't return phone calls. Nothing.

When he was confronted, he confessed what he had done and promised not to do it again. He started to earn a little trust back. Well, my brother loaned him some gas money by letting him use his debit card at the bank. Well, Angarator stole nearly $300 from my brother. We also suspect he stole $250 from my mother's purse, not to mention the times he's promised to turn over most, if not all, his pay on Fridays.

Well, during all this time, we have seen Findecano change...from good to bad. He's 6. He's still very impressionable...and he's smart. He knows what's going on, though he can't put words to it, yet. During the time Angarator was in jail, Findecano did SO well. He was choosing to behave rather than acting up. He was being very good. As soon as dad came back from jail, that all changed. He started lying and stealing. He started sassing back. He started having the most ROTTEN, back-talking attitude.

Angarator has been given chance, upon chance, upon chance. Each time, he has thumbed his nose at Grey Cloak. Grey Cloak has done everything possible...including offering (at 54 years old) to go take the classes to become a foster parent again for Findecano, while Angarator was in treatment (he fell off the wagon several times). Angarator, being as selfish as he is, refused.

Chance after chance, time after time, Grey Cloak has wanted to give Angarator the benefit of the doubt. Had Findecano not been in the picture, I truly believe Angarator would have been out long ago. But, how could he send a 6-year old out to live in a car? He couldn't. Sulla and Dilibririth couldn't quite see that. Grey Cloak was between a rock and a hard place. But, he did the best he could.

So, fast forward to last night. Angarator had told Grey Cloak that he'd be back Friday night around 11:30 or so...which came and went. Then, he called and said he'd be home by noon...which also came and went. Finally, he called and said he'd be there by 6:30...which ALSO came...and...went. Meanwhile, we have his child. He left his child overnight without arranging it previously. Well, Grey Cloak decided that he'd had enough and told him on the phone several times that he needed to be home asap.

... ... ...

Of course, he took his sweet time getting home. He didn't show up until nearly 3 hours AFTER he told Grey Cloak he'd be there.

Now, the part I'm sad about is the fact that Findecano had to get mixed up in all this. He's only a boy...he deserves so much better, so much more, so much more unconditional love and parenting than Angarator can give him.

I also see that Angarator gets a child he doesn't really want while I am stuck here childless, wanting the children I can't have.

... ... ...

Sigh

So, Findecano is in God's hands now, wherever he is, protecting him, loving him, nurturing him, ready to come running when he realizes he can't do it himself.

I wish I could see that day...among others...